Things I'll Never Say
Oct. 4th, 2011 05:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
theinsaneeraserTitle: The Things I’ll Never Say
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
theinsaneeraser
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Angst, HS!AU, Humor, Kink: satyriasis, Kink: Semi-Public, Schmoop
Pairings: Balthazar/Castiel/Gabriel/Sam, Dean/Lucifer, John/Mary
Characters: Michael.
Warnings: None.
Spoilers: None
Word count: 7,558
Summary: having a boyfriend living in Kansas is hard... having three, well, lets just say difficult doesn’t cover it when one is a sexaholic, one is a candy-addict and the other could be your brain twin. High school is supposed to be the best years of your life… I think they just might be right.
Artist:rubystandish
Link to art:HERE
~*~*~*~
I leaned my head back so it connected with the rough fabric of his jeans. He smiled down at me, lollipop half-hanging from his lips. I had the urge to tug it out the rest of the way, but he’d only make me eat it if I did. I reached a hand up to wipe a strand of rusty-brown hair away from his face and tuck it behind his ear. It was these moments of soft, intimate touches that I adored the most, when everything was quiet and just, us…
“Balthazar!” a startled cry came from my left. “Balthazar, stop that! We are in public!” There was a squawk and I could feel Gabriel’s body vibrate under my head with laughter. “Balthazar, unhand me!”
“C’mon Cassy, no one can see us you bloody prude,” came Balthazar’s chuckled response. “Now c’mere and give me a kiss, and let me grope you, I’ll hide it with my body.” He chuckled and Castiel yelped and I saw a random hand – most likely Castiel’s – flail in front of my face. “Hold still, you worm,” Balthazar scolded and Castiel’s reply was cut off by a hand or lips or something.
“C’mon Balthazar, leave him be, you know how he gets. Besides, I think you’ve molested him enough for the day.” I shook my head and looked up to see Gabriel grinning down at me with that look in his eyes. “And that means you too, Mister. Castiel’s going to be presently scarred for life if you two keep this up.” I wiggled a finger. “You alright there, Cas?”
“I’m fine, thank you, Sam,” came his breathless reply. “Thank you.” He swallowed and I lifted my head to see Castiel sprawled out on the grass, tie half undone and flung to the side, shirt unbuttoned almost all the way and pushed up to rest just above his nipples. The button on his pants was popped open, revealing a pair of grey boxers. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes a little glazed. His bottom lip was reddened from a kiss and there was a hickey on his neck that his shirt collar would have hidden.
Balthazar was kneeling over top of him, arm on either side of his head, grin on his face, and eyes half-linden with lust and relaxation, pupils dilated, most likely from weed – he didn’t smoke it often, and he never pressured them into doing it, so they let him get away with it. He had a leg between Castiel’s and his hips were hovering just centimetres away from Cas’.
“Well, if I can’t have Cas, can I have you then? I promise to share with Gabriel.” He grinned and before I could protest, I had a lap-full of Balthazar. “We both know you like being a Sammy sandwich.” He grinned and Gabriel was breathing in my ear, tilting it so it went down my back and <i>fuck<i> he was doing that on purpose. I groaned and arched a little. “I’ll take that as a yes.” And he leaned down to kiss me.
“Mmm, Sammy he has a point.” Gabriel whispered and nibbled at my earlobe, drawing a groan from my throat. “But if you want us to stop, just say so; you know we will.” He smiled and nipped again, tugging. “Do you want us to stop Sammy, hmm? I don’t think you do.” He chuckled and slid a hand down to cup the bulge in my pants. “Your body doesn’t seem to want us to either.”
I moaned and pressed up into his head, scowling softly. It wasn’t fair, not by a long shot. I’d constantly get tag teamed – or Cas would – and then they’d whisper those sweet words in my ear, and it would turn me on – not my fault, I was a teenager, it was normal – and by then I’d have nothing left to protest. Still, Balthazar had a point, I really did enjoy it. I enjoyed being stuck between them; Gabriel’s mouth on my neck or ear, hands trailing across my chest or down towards my cock. I wasn’t that sexual, but there was something about being with them, and Cas, that I just sort of… let it happen.
Balthazar never really did anything that Cas didn’t want. Cas was just shy about it all; he didn’t like the thought of someone stumbling in and finding us. It didn’t help that his family – Balthazar and Gabriel’s as well – were highly religious. Castiel, Balthazar and Gabriel were brothers, which made all this even harder on us. I didn’t mind, they all loved each other, and Gabriel had already graduated. Castiel and I were in eleventh grade and Balthazar was graduating this year.
The bell rang long before Gabriel and Balthazar could get very far. They both tried to trick me into skipping – Balthazar most likely would – but I was a dutiful student. So I kissed them both good bye, and got groped for my kindness. I chuckled and followed Castiel back inside. We both had IB science and then Academic Math. I had late-night IB business every Thursday night as well, because I was looking to be a lawyer. I was looking to get into Harvard and from what my teachers were saying, there was a high chance I would succeed if I kept to my guns.
Cas and I tried not to draw as much attention to the relationship – we lived in Lawrence, Kansas, a small town – where as Balthazar was a little less... careful. It didn’t bother me so much as it did Cas. He was a shy and private person. He was also hoping to become a minister. He went to church everyday and was very into religion, but he always said, “If God created us to be one body type, one way, one mind, he would have made us so. The bible was written by man, for all we know they could have twisted it to see as they see fit. I believe if God truly didn’t want it, he would have gotten rid of it.”
Cas was pretty smart and insightful for his age. I guess that’s what attracted me to him the first time we met. Balthazar was kind of a two for one deal with him, as they’d been attached at the hip since Castiel was brought home. Gabriel… Gabriel was a surprise. He was a prankster who I met when he’d put gum in my hair on my first day of school, and then filled my locker with a million skittles that all crashed to the floor when I opened it. I still don’t know how he managed to get them all in there, but after talking to Castiel and Balthazar, it was deemed that he was just pulling my pigtails.
I decided to get him back, living with my older brother Dean – the king of prank wars – had taught me a thing or two. It escaladed until one day after school where he’d cornered me in the parking lot, and then when everyone seemed to be gone, he’d kissed me. Balthazar was more then happy to welcome him into our… I don’t know what to call it really; I’m sure we are all boyfriends, but with four of us, it’s a little hard.
I sighed and scuffed my feet against the pavement as I made my way towards home. It had been a long, busy night and the fact that Dean wasn’t here to pick me up was a little frustrating. Still, the night air was cool on my skin, and with summer so close, it was a relief from the heat of the day. The stars were also beautiful to look at, so maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.
“Need a ride, kiddo?” someone called and I turned my head. I knew who it would be even before I looked over to see Gabriel grinning at me, wearing his black leather jacket. He was leaning to the side a little, more so then most people would need to on a motorcycle, but Gabriel was also short. Well, shorter then myself at least, I was a giant. “I drove over to your house earlier to drop something off for Dean-o that he needed for the shop and asked if I could give you a ride home. I was a little late due to some family drama, sorry about that.”
“I, uh, sure.” I shook my head a little and smiled at the ground as I made my way over.
The bike was a ZX-92 Kawasaki Ninja, painted blue with purple accents. It fit his personally – flashy colors but also sleek. He handed me a matching helmet and I snapped it on, slipping behind him and wrapping my arms around his waist. I secured the microphone so I could talk before squeezing a little as he took off.
“You’re always so jumpy Sam, don’t you trust me?” He teased, the sound going directly to my ears via speakers. I shook my head and tightened my grip, resting my chin on his shoulders – I could do that as I was taller then him. He took a sharp left and I let out a soft squeak before scowling.
“You did that on purpose, jerk,” I grumbled and he just laughed harder. He took another right and I instantly knew he was taking the long way, which meant he was avoiding something at home. “Hey, is everything okay?” I murmured, and Gabriel let out a soft sigh.
“Just Lucifer and Michael bickering again, nothing you need to worry about kiddo.” He tried to sound light-hearted, but there was just something in his voice that told me it was worse then it sounded. “Really Sam; they always fight. They are worse then a mom and dad, plus I think Lucifer is seeing someone in secrete, and if it’s in secrete it means it’s someone Michael will disapprove of.”
“If you’re sure,” I sighed. “Just because I’m younger then you doesn’t mean I can’t handle this stuff you know. Dean and dad go at it worse then, well, I don’t know, two wolves fighting over who gets the juiciest part of a lamb or something.” I wrinkled my nose at the failed attempt, but smiled when Gabriel laughed. “But seriously Gabriel, I’m here for you, you know that. Just like I’m here for Cas and Balthazar too.”
“I know that, mother.” Gabriel chuckled. “But really, it’s nothing any of us need to worry about right now. I’m more worried about Cas; he’s getting so restless about all this. He treats this like a dirty little secret, like we killed someone, and he’s so scared at getting caught, he probably will. I know that upsets Balthazar some, he’s really smitten with him, and you, and me; I think he’s the most emotionally attached in this. Cas doesn’t mean it of course, but he needs to chill some, all this does is make Balthazar drink more.”
“Yeah, it was your fault for introducing him to alcohol… or what that Lucifer?” I tilted my head, because I really wasn’t sure. Gabriel just laughed and took a right, slowing down. We were on my street. “We’ll keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn’t get too bad. My dad used to drink, and that was hell; I’ll kick his ass if he pulls that, even if he’s more of a horny drunk. He’s bad enough without the alcohol.”
Gabriel pulled up in front of my house and I hopped off the back. I took off my helmet, and Gabriel took it from me, lifting his up a little bit. He opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off with a kiss. I wasn’t worried about my parents finding out, as I’d outted myself about a year ago. I didn’t hide things like that and Dad may have flipped out, but mom took care of that. I smiled and kissed him once more, hugging him tightly.
“I’m only a phone call away, tell Balthazar and Castiel that,” I whispered and he nodded, ruffling my hair. He may have been shorter then me, but he never let me forget who was older. “See you later, Gabe.”
“See ya, Kiddo.” He put his helmet back on and headed in the direction that would allow him to take at least half an hour to get home. I watched him go; waiting untill I couldn’t see him anymore before heading inside. I brushed past Dean, who gave me a knowing look, and settle in my bed.
I smiled up at the ceiling and curled into my pillow a little. Out of them all, Gabriel had been the biggest surprise. Under all that teasing and pranking, there was actual care in there, and he cared about me, as well as Balthazar and Cas. I’m sure there were favourites in the group and I liked to think that if Gabriel had one, it was me. I was pretty sure it wasn’t real, but it gave me butterflies in my stomach to think about it.
The weekend came fast, and with the weekend came a frantic phone call from Castiel. Apparently the fighting was getting bad – things were being thrown – and that Gabriel had left the house and Balthazar was locked up in his room. I had asked my mom – Dad was at work with Dean – explaining things to her, and they both had been invited over. She was making fresh cherry and strawberry-rhubarb pie. I kind of wished Gabriel had been home; he’d be excited to come over, hearing that.
That hadn’t been a problem as two seconds later, Gabriel had showed up on my doorsteps with red eyes and panting, like he’d ran a marathon – sometimes he rode hard enough to do this. I pulled him into a hug and closed my eyes. He hugged back but didn’t cry, he didn’t really like to show ‘weakness’ in front of others, but I gave him this, and would let him have more if he asked it of me.
“Why don’t you come in, Gabriel dear, I have some fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies.” She spoke from the doorway with a warm-hearted smile and I couldn’t help but mouth thank-you. “I made them just before you got here, so the chocolate is still melted.”
“You know the way to a man’s heart, Mary.” He stepped back and gave her one of his grins. “If the man of the house out, if these cookies are as you say, I may not be held responsible for my actions.” I kicked him in the leg for that one, but he just laughed and my mom just shook her head and chuckled. “C’mon Sammy, you know who I really want to do irresponsible things with.” He wiggled his eyebrows.
“Shut up!” I whispered and docked him on the head, which only earned me a laugh as he beelined for the kitchen.
Balthazar and Castiel arrived a few minuets later – Lucifer had dropped them off – and joined us in our cookies-and-milk fest, though Gabriel horded half of them for himself. Everyone seemed to cheer up after that, and settled down, even Cas seemed relaxed more then usual. I always said my mom’s chocolate chips were magical; no matter how down you were feeling, how angry or sad or what emotion, her cookies could set you right back up on your feet.
“We should build a hot air balloon.” Balthazar spoke.
The cookies were also, unfortunately, easy to choke on. That was what I was doing as Gabriel hit my back while laughing and Cas urged me to drink the rest of my milk. Balthazar grinned at me and I glared at him as I attempted to gain composure once more before sighing. I rubbed my chest and looked at him, but he had one of those ‘This is one of my serious-stupid ideas and I’m not backing down’ looks.
“Why not, it would be fun, and challenging for you dorks.” He threw an arm around Gabriel’s shoulder. “And exciting for us cool people.” He grinned and I turned to look at Castiel. He had a thoughtful look on his face, like he was actually considering this. “C’mon, don’t tell me you’ve never wanted to build a hot-air balloon.” I hadn’t, of course but that didn’t stop the hopeful look on Balthazar’s face.
I sighed and pulled out my laptop, because if we were going to do this, we would have top see if it was at least possible for us to do this without blowing something up, and excessive amounts of money. We probably were only going to build a small-scale one, which wouldn’t be as bad as attempting to make a giant one that could carry us.
Plus Balthazar was right. It would be kind of fun.
“Okay, so here is what we need for this,” I said and Castiel hunted down paper and a pen. “Painter's plastic, balsa wood, and birthday candles,” I listed off. “We’ll also need something to heat-seal it and melt the candles, but my dad has an electric hot knife in the shed for that.”
“We should make one out of a condom.” Gabriel grinned.
I gave him one of my ‘bitchfaces’ at the same time as Cas gave one of his disapproving look. That nipped that notion in the butt. “As for candles, we have tons of those and I think my dad might have some light wood to replace the balsa wood.” I tapped my head. “We could use a plastic bag, but I don’t think it would be as effective.”
“Anna is a hard-core artist, she’d going places I swear, she’d have some of that artist’s plastic.” Balthazar added. “Which means Gabriel will have to go back. Lucifer probably won’t be home and Michael will be at work or locked in his room.” Gabriel opened his mouth to protest but Balthazar held up a hand. “You are the adult with the motorcycle; I failed my driver’s test.”
“That’s because you used the rearview mirror to look down her shirt,” Castiel states blandly.
“She wasn’t wearing a bra and had great tits, okay?” Balthazar grinned. “I can’t be blamed.”
Castiel didn’t look too impressed though and before they could fight – which would end in Balthazar groping Cas in the middle of my kitchen - Gabriel got up, mumbled something about hating us all and left to grab the plastic. The rest of us moved out to the back, grabbing a plant of thick wood to work on and the rest of the supplies. I took my laptop with me just in case, and so I could follow along with the pictures.
Gabriel came back in a flash with the painter’s plastic and we set it up to make two; Balthazar and I would make one and Castiel and Gabriel would.
I measured the plastic as Balthazar melted the candles together like he was supposed too. I smiled; glad to find him so focused on something that didn’t involved sex. I knew the reason for it, as I was pretty sure he was nymphomaniac. It was mostly only refereed to for females, but Balthazar was just as sex driven as that name described. I was pretty sure Gabriel and him were having sex because of it, though I wasn’t sure how far he’d gotten with Cas besides the groping.
I also knew that it acted up more when he was upset, kind of like OCD would, and that he wasn’t just shoving people against walls. I figured that’s why he wanted to do this, something that would take a lot of his brain functions and hopefully wouldn’t remind him of the sex he was probably craving more then the alcohol he drank like water.
After I cut the plastic, we used the electric hot knife to seal the edges so that only the bottom was open. I grinned at him and he smirked, looking back over at Castiel and Gabriel, as they burned a hole in their second bag in Gabriel’s impatience. We both turned and grinned at each other before getting to work on melting the candles to the thin strip of wood, which had two pieces taped together on the ends to look like an ‘I’.
We then taped the plastic around the wood, securing it in place while still making it as light as we could. That finished the part. We tied a string to the wood so that when we let it fly, it didn’t get to far away from us, and waited for Gabriel and Cas to finish.
They took a few more minuets before being done as well, Gabriel looking smug and Castiel excited – which didn’t happen very often. I smiled and handed him the stick to hold the plastic away from the candles so they could light theirs and gave Balthazar ours. I wanted him to light it, as it had been his idea. He smiled at me and lifted the plastic, being careful and lighting the plastic. I helped him hold it up as it started to inflate.
“This is actually pretty cool.” Gabriel chuckled. “Huh.”
Balthazar watched fascinated and I felt proud of all of them, and glad I was able to make them happy. He stepped back as it started to raise and handed me part of the string so we could watch as it rose into the air and hovered above our heads and too the left, as to avoid dripping wax.
We waited until almost all of the candles were out before letting it go. That way if it fell or landed on something, it wouldn’t start a fire. In fact after we let it go, it only too a few more minutes before the flame was out. The wind caught it though and it drifted off south. I laughed and leaned into Balthazar, who wrapped an arm around my waist, watching it with me. I smiled and laughed when Gabriel and Castiel refused to let theirs go instead holding it until it sank back to the floor.
“Ice cold lemonade, you four? You must be hot, working with all that fire and in this heat,” My mom called from the steps and everyone perked up at that.
It wasn’t until we were cuddled together in the shade, lemonade long gone that Balthazar started to get restless. I tilted my head up so I could look at him, and his attention was on a tree branch, and it was obvious something was wrong. I looked at Castiel, who was lightly dozing, and then at Gabriel who was passed out and squirmed out of his hold so I could stand. I offered my hand to Balthazar and helped him to his feet, leading him away from the others.
I stopped when we were far enough in the field that I was sure no one would over-hear us or catch us. I looked him over before asking: “Are you alright, and don’t give me any bull about everything being fine, I know it’s not.” I crossed my arms, a serious look on my face. “Please, tell me, if not it’s just going to get worse, what ever it is.” Though I was pretty sure I already knew what it was.
“I…” he sighed and leaned in closer, so that our lips almost touched. “You know my sex addiction is just that, that I have a literal addiction to sex. It’s bad too, I don’t know where it came from or why, all I know is I like sex, I think about sex a lot and I crave it. It gets worse when they fight, because one day someone is going to throw a punch, or Lucifer is going to walk out. I look up to Lucifer; he’s one of the only things aside from Gabriel that makes living there bearable, with my problem.”
He sighed. “Lucifer and I don’t touch, but he listens, and he’s the one who makes it so Michael doesn’t find out about me and Gabriel, when we have sex.” He rubbed at my cheek a little, pressing his body closer. “I know you’re probably saving you’re virginity for Gabriel, or maybe you and Cas will lose yours together, I’m not asking for that, I just… I need something, to touch, to explore.”
I looked him in the eyes, saw the struggle there and I nodded. “Just… no penetration; please.” But he didn’t answer, he just leaned down and pressed his lips against mine hungrily, prying them apart so he could slide his tongue in. I moaned and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. He groaned into my mouth, but all I could focus on was the feel of finger’s trailing up my skin, causing me to shiver as little sparks of pleasure made its way up to my nipples.
I moaned when he gripped my nipple, pinching and twisting and tugging in just the right way that had my knees trembling, had them weak like jelly. I gripped his hair, pulling him closer before breaking the kiss to breathe as his fingers moved down, working on my pants. I looked him in the eyes and saw a hunger there, something deep and animalistic and it was just so damn hot.
“Balthazar…” I murmured, pulling him up for another kiss before whining softly as they left mine, trailing down my chest. I groaned as he brushed them against my navel, his fingers massaging the muscle of my thighs, working their way upwards to my hips.
I had a two second warning of warm breath before hot, wet heat enveloped my cock. My eyes went wide as I bucked forward into the willing and pliable mouth. I gripped his hair once more and let my head fall back as he moaned around me, sending vibrations all around my erection. I could feel the blood pounding, moving more south as he started to bob his head, slick tongue sliding up and down the shaft before curling around the head.
“Balthazar I… I can’t, someone… hear…” My brain wasn’t functioning properly, all I could really focus on was the drag of lips and tongue, and sometimes teeth.
He sucked, hallowing out his cheeks and I swore I saw stars are my knees buckled, slamming into his shoulders. I felt him wince a little, but it only seemed to edge him on, make him move faster. My eyes were wide as I stare down at him, watching my cock slide past his lips, appearing and then disappearing. I tugged on his hair, not knowing if I wanted to pull him off or pull him closer, but it seemed closer because Balthazar had to grip my legs as he moaned, taking me in completely.
I started to babble, unable to think of anything anymore as the world tilted and then blacked out in pleasure.
The world came back and I was laying on my back, Balthazar nuzzling my hip as he stared up at me with an amused look. He flicked his tongue out towards the tip and I groaned, arching. He chuckled and kissed it before moving so he was cuddled against my side, giving me time to adjust. I closed my eyes and sucked in a few breaths, thankful for that time.
“So, how was your first blow-job? I know we’ve touched and grinded and I don’t know how far you and Gabriel have gone, but I have to say. For all that health crap you eat, you taste pretty damn good,” He whispered in my ear and another groan escaped my lips. “I’d ask if you want to go again, but you’re still reeling from you’re first, I think I might kill you with a second time.”
He was probably right.
“Lets go back before Gabriel wakes up.” He smiled and got up, helping me to my feet. “And in case your mom comes out and thinks we’ve been kidnapped.” He grinned and I shook my head, still a little wobbly. He just wrapped an arm around my waist and lead me back to Gabriel and Cas.
He flopped over Gabriel and I curled into Cas, causing the older man to make a startled sound and jolt up. Balthazar laughed and knocked into me, but I was already starting to doze. Castiel and the sun were warm, and the soft rise and fall of his chest lulled me along with his heart beat. I smiled as Castiel curled into me, squirming a little before resting his head against mine.
“What the hell?” Gabriel groaned and that’s all I heard before I drifted off. I could feel a hand in my hair and the whisper of something in my ear, but I was already too far gone to make out the words.
Castiel jabbed a finger into my side and I lifted my head quickly, eyes wide. I wiped a little bit of spit from my bottom lip and looked over at him. I cursed and sunk down in my seat as I’d realised I’d fallen asleep in class. It wasn’t something I ever did, this was probably the first time since I’d come out and had a huge fight with my dad, that I’d done this. Thankfully Castiel had woken me up, and not a teacher, then again it was Gabriel’s fault.
He had phoned and talked to me well past my bed time, but he’d needed an ear to talk into while Lucifer and Michael fought. The fights were getting longer, worse and more frequent. My boyfriends spent more time at my house, and my dad was getting suspicious on what they were, or that at least one of them was; but it was worth it. To get them to relax, to smile and to not fret so much about what was going on, I would scream to the whole world about us if it meant I got to keep them safe and happy.
Dean had also apparently been missing a lot of work, and was receiving mysterious phone calls. It made me wonder if he had a secret girlfriend, or maybe he was sleeping with a taken wife – I wouldn’t put it past him – which just made me shake my head. I wasn’t going to poke him about it, I really didn’t care as long as Dean didn’t get hurt or arrested or killed, he could do what he wanted.
“How long did Gabriel have you on the phone till?” Castiel asked in a whisper, looking concerned. “I went to bed around eleven and he was still up talking to you.” He tilted his head.
“Till around three in the morning, and then I had to be up early because Dean had somewhere to be. I know, shocker. Him up early? I was staring at him like he grew a second head too.” I leaned back in my chair and sighed. “But yeah, three in the morning, not the best time to go to bed when you have to get up at five. Two hours of sleep; at least it’s not Thursday.”
“Things are getting… rocky at home… I almost wish they’d just stop talking to each other, even that would be better then the fighting. Lucifer’s been gone for hours at a time now though, but whenever he come back Michael starts something, threatens him and throws accusations.” He shifts nervously. “I’m so scared that he’ll find out, and tell Father Jim what is going on and that I wont be able to become a minister.” He stares down.
I placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “You’ll become a minister, Castiel, it doesn’t matter what you are. You love God with everything you have and you share his word better then anyone, something of love and peace, don’t worry so much about it, okay?”
Castiel sighed and nodded, before paying attention once more. I sighed with him and squeezed his hand under the table, intertwining our fingers. I knew he felt very hard about becoming a minister, about spreading love and acceptance with people, rather than hate like so many were doing right now. He was going to change people, and we were all honoured to be in that processes.
I just hoped we last long enough to see it there together.
When Lucifer showed up on my doorstep, I should have known things were bad. He shifted, looking of to the side and his lip was bloody. He shifted, looking uncomfortable before glancing back at me. He startled at first and took a step back, like he was ready to run, to flee before thinking better of it. He didn’t say anything at first, like he was scared too say something wrong, like he was thinking over his words.
“Is your brother home?” he finally asked, shifting on his feet again. “I really need to talk to him, please.” As he says this, his eyes get misty, like he’s two seconds away from bursting out and that’s enough for me.
“DEAN! LUCIFER’S AT THE DOOR!” I called and never mind why Lucifer is here, or why it’s for Dean. I didn’t even know they knew each other… well, they had gone to school together, but they had been enemies, Dean had always complained about him, and how much he hated him. “DEA-”
I was shoved to the side as Dean came over, still tugging on his coat. “I’M GOING OUT!” He yelled before stepping out and shutting the door behind him. I tried to spy at them out of the window, but Dean’s back was in the way, though I did see Lucifer’s arm… they were hugging. I could also hear hushed whispers, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying.
They both got into the car almost instantly after breaking the hug, Lucifer’s head bowed as he let Dean drive. I frowned and stepped back, sighing. I rubbed my neck and made it to my bedroom. I flopped onto my bed and grabbed my text book – needed to make up exam studying I missed last night – and settled in for a few good hours of hard studying.
I only got in one before my cell phone rang. I picked it up and pressed the phone to my ear. “Hello?”
“S-Sa-Sa-Sam,” came a choked sob and I instantly sat up, recognizing Castiel’s voice. “H-h-e – An… and he, an-and n-now he’s…” Castiel chokes off and started to sob into the receiver. I cursed and grabbed for my own jacket. “Th-th-the-y… Sa-S-Sam.”
“Hey, hey, hey. Calm down Castiel, you have to calm down and tell me what’s going on.” I covered the receiver with my hand and looked at my mom. “I need you to take me to Castiel’s; now.” My mom quickly got up and grabbed her keys. “I’m on my way Cas, right now, shh, it’s okay I’m coming.”
Castiel took a few shuddering breaths and cried a little more, taking till we were in the car to speak. “M-Michael… Michael kicked Lucifer out, he found out Lucifer was seeing someone, I don’t know who, but it was a boy. And… and then… then Balthazar locked himself in the bathroom. I thought… I thought he was just crying, because he turned on the shower…” Castiel started to cry again. “Gabriel had to break down the door, he’d turned on the cold water as cold as it could go, and he… he was so cold Sam, his lips were blue and he was shaking and we had to call an ambulance.” He started to cry harder. “Michael went with the ambulance; Gabriel is here with me, hurry, please.”
I urged my mom to go faster, trying to keep Castiel clam, and when Castiel was unable to talk, Gabriel came on the phone. He was in shock, and didn’t talk so much as whimper. I talked him through it, and tore off my seatbelt, getting out of the car before it had had a chance to fully stop. I pulled them both into me and let them cry. My mom waited from the car, letting us have this before we were ushered in; she’d drive us.
I sat in the back with them and let both of them curl close. Castiel continues to cry, but Gabriel remained quiet, it wasn’t until we spotted Michael in the waiting room that Gabriel exploded. Thankfully I felt him shake and was able to drag him out before he tore Michael to shreds. Castiel wouldn’t go near Michael, and stayed near my mom as I back Gabriel as far from the room as possible.
“Gabriel, Gabriel look at me, I need you to tell Lucifer what’s going on and to come here. He’s with Dean, so I’m phoning his cell phone.” I did just that, keeping an arm around Gabriel’s waist.
“Hello?”
“Hey Dean, this is really, really important, I need you to put Lucifer on the phone, it has to do with Balthazar.”
“I… what… okay.”
I handed the phone to Gabriel and let him walk away with it as he explained what happened with Balthazar. I looked away when I saw his shoulder’s start to shake and kicked at a rock, sighing. I was staying strong for Castiel and Gabe, but I too was feeling close to tears. I remembered that time behind the tree, when Balthazar had said he didn’t know what would happen if Lucifer got kicked out, that sadness in his eyes.
I leaned against the wall and clenched my fist. I loved him, I loved all of them, there was no working my way around it. We’d never said it to each other, never said the words out right. We’d done it in touches and little actions and kisses and looks; but not in words. I loved Balthazar, even though he had an addiction to sex, and he couldn’t help but molest us in public. I loved Castiel, even if he was shy, and unwilling to make our relationship public, because he was scared of ruining his dream. I loved Gabriel, even if he was two year’s older then me and obsessed with candy and embarrassing me at any turn.
I fought back the tears, held them back when Gabriel came back over and cried into my chest again, when Lucifer showed up with Dean in a panic. I held them back when Lucifer and Michael almost had another fight in the waiting room and my mom told them both to stop behaving like children. I held them back when Castiel curled himself on my lap, and I watched Dean and Lucifer hold hands where they thought no one could see.
I even held them back when the doctor came out and told us he’d be okay, that they got his temperature down enough and that we could go see him. I held them back as I waited to be allowed in the room, as Michael went in, and was asked to leave the room by Balthazar, when Lucifer went in with Gabriel and Castiel. I paced back and forth in the hallway, while Dean waited against the wall. I didn’t pressure him about Lucifer, didn’t even hint anything, and neither did mom.
Finally we were allowed to come in and I walked over to him, shaking as I saw the many IV’s and machines he was hooked too, keeping track of his vitals and body temperature, in case it dove down again. He had Gabriel curled up on one side, and Castiel on the other. Castiel was asleep but Gabriel was murmuring things in his ear and running his fingers through his hair.
Lucifer was sitting in a chair and Dean sat on the floor next to it, openly showing affection and comfort; no one said anything.
“Balthazar…” I whispered and only then did I cry. I rushed over and made sure not to wake Cas as I gripped at his hand and squeezed. “Why did you do this, you could have called me, or Gabriel would have been there, something.” I whispered and buried my face in his chest. “You could have died.”
“I know, I’m sorry.” Balthazar croaked a little. “But… it got so bad, so bad and then Lucifer wasn’t there and Gabriel was yelling at Michael and I just needed it so bad, I would have hurt someone, would have hurt Cas, and I thought maybe a cold shower would work, but it wasn’t helping and then I was too cold to move and… I’m sorry.” He gripped at my shirt. “I’m so sorry.”
I found some space on the bed towards his feet and curled up there, not letting go of his hand. The doctors came in to try and shoo us out, but Balthazar said he would have felt more comfortable with us here, and Castiel and Gabriel were already sleeping and I was just about to pass out. I don’t know what Mom had said to get them to change their minds, but all I know is I wasn’t asked to leave and eventually fell asleep.
The doctors kept Balthazar for a week, checking out his vitals and had talked to Michael about placing Lucifer in a psyche ward for a while, to help him with his nymphomaniac tendencies. Balthazar had not liked that, but Michael had agreed too it, and since Balthazar was still a minor and under Michael’s parental control, Balthazar had no choice.
We had all tried to talk him out of it, but in the end Michael had stuck to his guns, and asked that no one under the age of twenty one be able to view him. Thankfully Lucifer was twenty two and visited him as often as he could, keeping him sane and sending him out love and letters. I knew it must have been driving him mad to be locked up in that place, and the next month just seemed to drone on and on.
Castiel and I had finished school and were finally on summer vacation, but it wasn’t the same without Balthazar. Dean had finally come out and told our parents, and me, that he was dating Lucifer, and then moved out the next day. Dad wasn’t too happy, but Mom liked Lucifer so she had gone and made them some home-warming pies and cookies. I was a little hesitant at first, but when I caught them being cute in the kitchen, holding hands and whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ears, laughing and looking happy, I settled down about it.
Castiel and Gabriel and I spent most of our time at my house or Dean and Lucifer’s apartment, sulking or just cuddling together. We knew the next three months before Balthazar got let out – he was showing good progress and behaviour, though Lucifer said he was going out of his mind and acting most of the roles – would be hard. Truth was, I just wanted to be able to tell him I loved him, what he meant to me, face to face. To hold him and kiss him and let him know.
Instead, I made him a tape. I spent all night long working on it until I was happy with it. I got Lucifer to bring it to him on his next visit, and the next day I told Gabriel and Castiel the truth, of how I felt and was happily surprised to find the felt the same.
<i>Hey Balthazar; its Sam. How you hanging in there? I hope you aren’t being treated too badly, but anyways. I wish I could be there, to say these things in person, and when you get out I’ll repeat them to you, face to face, but for now, hopefully this’ll keep you going.
There is a long list of reason why none of us should work out, mainly being that three of you are brother’s and we are all men. But that doesn’t matter, just like you being nymphomaniac doesn’t matter, or that Gabriel; can’t go two seconds without something sweet in his mouth, and really he should be fat by now. Or that Castiel wants to be a minster and sometimes forget that what he says can be harmful, though he apologises for ever wanting to keep this a secret, and that you felt you needed to hide this from him.
It doesn’t matter that in a year I’ll be going away to Harvard to become a lawyer. What matters is that I love you. I love you, Cas, Gabriel, all three of you. You three have made my life so completely, so fulfilled and wonderful I can hardly stand it. I know I’m sappy and you’re probably going to laugh at me but it’s all true. You three complete my life in way I never thought possible. This relationship should never have worked out but it did, and without it I don’t think I could have gotten this far in life.
I want you to know I’m waiting; we are all waiting for you to get out. We haven’t left you or abandoned you and no matter the state you come out of there, we will </i>always<i> be waiting for you.
Love, with everything I have.
Sam.</i>
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Author:
theinsaneeraserRating: NC-17
Genre: Angst, HS!AU, Humor, Kink: satyriasis, Kink: Semi-Public, Schmoop
Pairings: Balthazar/Castiel/Gabriel/Sam, Dean/Lucifer, John/Mary
Characters: Michael.
Warnings: None.
Spoilers: None
Word count: 7,558
Summary: having a boyfriend living in Kansas is hard... having three, well, lets just say difficult doesn’t cover it when one is a sexaholic, one is a candy-addict and the other could be your brain twin. High school is supposed to be the best years of your life… I think they just might be right.
Artist:
rubystandishLink to art:HERE
I leaned my head back so it connected with the rough fabric of his jeans. He smiled down at me, lollipop half-hanging from his lips. I had the urge to tug it out the rest of the way, but he’d only make me eat it if I did. I reached a hand up to wipe a strand of rusty-brown hair away from his face and tuck it behind his ear. It was these moments of soft, intimate touches that I adored the most, when everything was quiet and just, us…
“Balthazar!” a startled cry came from my left. “Balthazar, stop that! We are in public!” There was a squawk and I could feel Gabriel’s body vibrate under my head with laughter. “Balthazar, unhand me!”
“C’mon Cassy, no one can see us you bloody prude,” came Balthazar’s chuckled response. “Now c’mere and give me a kiss, and let me grope you, I’ll hide it with my body.” He chuckled and Castiel yelped and I saw a random hand – most likely Castiel’s – flail in front of my face. “Hold still, you worm,” Balthazar scolded and Castiel’s reply was cut off by a hand or lips or something.
“C’mon Balthazar, leave him be, you know how he gets. Besides, I think you’ve molested him enough for the day.” I shook my head and looked up to see Gabriel grinning down at me with that look in his eyes. “And that means you too, Mister. Castiel’s going to be presently scarred for life if you two keep this up.” I wiggled a finger. “You alright there, Cas?”
“I’m fine, thank you, Sam,” came his breathless reply. “Thank you.” He swallowed and I lifted my head to see Castiel sprawled out on the grass, tie half undone and flung to the side, shirt unbuttoned almost all the way and pushed up to rest just above his nipples. The button on his pants was popped open, revealing a pair of grey boxers. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes a little glazed. His bottom lip was reddened from a kiss and there was a hickey on his neck that his shirt collar would have hidden.
Balthazar was kneeling over top of him, arm on either side of his head, grin on his face, and eyes half-linden with lust and relaxation, pupils dilated, most likely from weed – he didn’t smoke it often, and he never pressured them into doing it, so they let him get away with it. He had a leg between Castiel’s and his hips were hovering just centimetres away from Cas’.
“Well, if I can’t have Cas, can I have you then? I promise to share with Gabriel.” He grinned and before I could protest, I had a lap-full of Balthazar. “We both know you like being a Sammy sandwich.” He grinned and Gabriel was breathing in my ear, tilting it so it went down my back and <i>fuck<i> he was doing that on purpose. I groaned and arched a little. “I’ll take that as a yes.” And he leaned down to kiss me.
“Mmm, Sammy he has a point.” Gabriel whispered and nibbled at my earlobe, drawing a groan from my throat. “But if you want us to stop, just say so; you know we will.” He smiled and nipped again, tugging. “Do you want us to stop Sammy, hmm? I don’t think you do.” He chuckled and slid a hand down to cup the bulge in my pants. “Your body doesn’t seem to want us to either.”
I moaned and pressed up into his head, scowling softly. It wasn’t fair, not by a long shot. I’d constantly get tag teamed – or Cas would – and then they’d whisper those sweet words in my ear, and it would turn me on – not my fault, I was a teenager, it was normal – and by then I’d have nothing left to protest. Still, Balthazar had a point, I really did enjoy it. I enjoyed being stuck between them; Gabriel’s mouth on my neck or ear, hands trailing across my chest or down towards my cock. I wasn’t that sexual, but there was something about being with them, and Cas, that I just sort of… let it happen.
Balthazar never really did anything that Cas didn’t want. Cas was just shy about it all; he didn’t like the thought of someone stumbling in and finding us. It didn’t help that his family – Balthazar and Gabriel’s as well – were highly religious. Castiel, Balthazar and Gabriel were brothers, which made all this even harder on us. I didn’t mind, they all loved each other, and Gabriel had already graduated. Castiel and I were in eleventh grade and Balthazar was graduating this year.
The bell rang long before Gabriel and Balthazar could get very far. They both tried to trick me into skipping – Balthazar most likely would – but I was a dutiful student. So I kissed them both good bye, and got groped for my kindness. I chuckled and followed Castiel back inside. We both had IB science and then Academic Math. I had late-night IB business every Thursday night as well, because I was looking to be a lawyer. I was looking to get into Harvard and from what my teachers were saying, there was a high chance I would succeed if I kept to my guns.
Cas and I tried not to draw as much attention to the relationship – we lived in Lawrence, Kansas, a small town – where as Balthazar was a little less... careful. It didn’t bother me so much as it did Cas. He was a shy and private person. He was also hoping to become a minister. He went to church everyday and was very into religion, but he always said, “If God created us to be one body type, one way, one mind, he would have made us so. The bible was written by man, for all we know they could have twisted it to see as they see fit. I believe if God truly didn’t want it, he would have gotten rid of it.”
Cas was pretty smart and insightful for his age. I guess that’s what attracted me to him the first time we met. Balthazar was kind of a two for one deal with him, as they’d been attached at the hip since Castiel was brought home. Gabriel… Gabriel was a surprise. He was a prankster who I met when he’d put gum in my hair on my first day of school, and then filled my locker with a million skittles that all crashed to the floor when I opened it. I still don’t know how he managed to get them all in there, but after talking to Castiel and Balthazar, it was deemed that he was just pulling my pigtails.
I decided to get him back, living with my older brother Dean – the king of prank wars – had taught me a thing or two. It escaladed until one day after school where he’d cornered me in the parking lot, and then when everyone seemed to be gone, he’d kissed me. Balthazar was more then happy to welcome him into our… I don’t know what to call it really; I’m sure we are all boyfriends, but with four of us, it’s a little hard.
I sighed and scuffed my feet against the pavement as I made my way towards home. It had been a long, busy night and the fact that Dean wasn’t here to pick me up was a little frustrating. Still, the night air was cool on my skin, and with summer so close, it was a relief from the heat of the day. The stars were also beautiful to look at, so maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.
“Need a ride, kiddo?” someone called and I turned my head. I knew who it would be even before I looked over to see Gabriel grinning at me, wearing his black leather jacket. He was leaning to the side a little, more so then most people would need to on a motorcycle, but Gabriel was also short. Well, shorter then myself at least, I was a giant. “I drove over to your house earlier to drop something off for Dean-o that he needed for the shop and asked if I could give you a ride home. I was a little late due to some family drama, sorry about that.”
“I, uh, sure.” I shook my head a little and smiled at the ground as I made my way over.
The bike was a ZX-92 Kawasaki Ninja, painted blue with purple accents. It fit his personally – flashy colors but also sleek. He handed me a matching helmet and I snapped it on, slipping behind him and wrapping my arms around his waist. I secured the microphone so I could talk before squeezing a little as he took off.
“You’re always so jumpy Sam, don’t you trust me?” He teased, the sound going directly to my ears via speakers. I shook my head and tightened my grip, resting my chin on his shoulders – I could do that as I was taller then him. He took a sharp left and I let out a soft squeak before scowling.
“You did that on purpose, jerk,” I grumbled and he just laughed harder. He took another right and I instantly knew he was taking the long way, which meant he was avoiding something at home. “Hey, is everything okay?” I murmured, and Gabriel let out a soft sigh.
“Just Lucifer and Michael bickering again, nothing you need to worry about kiddo.” He tried to sound light-hearted, but there was just something in his voice that told me it was worse then it sounded. “Really Sam; they always fight. They are worse then a mom and dad, plus I think Lucifer is seeing someone in secrete, and if it’s in secrete it means it’s someone Michael will disapprove of.”
“If you’re sure,” I sighed. “Just because I’m younger then you doesn’t mean I can’t handle this stuff you know. Dean and dad go at it worse then, well, I don’t know, two wolves fighting over who gets the juiciest part of a lamb or something.” I wrinkled my nose at the failed attempt, but smiled when Gabriel laughed. “But seriously Gabriel, I’m here for you, you know that. Just like I’m here for Cas and Balthazar too.”
“I know that, mother.” Gabriel chuckled. “But really, it’s nothing any of us need to worry about right now. I’m more worried about Cas; he’s getting so restless about all this. He treats this like a dirty little secret, like we killed someone, and he’s so scared at getting caught, he probably will. I know that upsets Balthazar some, he’s really smitten with him, and you, and me; I think he’s the most emotionally attached in this. Cas doesn’t mean it of course, but he needs to chill some, all this does is make Balthazar drink more.”
“Yeah, it was your fault for introducing him to alcohol… or what that Lucifer?” I tilted my head, because I really wasn’t sure. Gabriel just laughed and took a right, slowing down. We were on my street. “We’ll keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn’t get too bad. My dad used to drink, and that was hell; I’ll kick his ass if he pulls that, even if he’s more of a horny drunk. He’s bad enough without the alcohol.”
Gabriel pulled up in front of my house and I hopped off the back. I took off my helmet, and Gabriel took it from me, lifting his up a little bit. He opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off with a kiss. I wasn’t worried about my parents finding out, as I’d outted myself about a year ago. I didn’t hide things like that and Dad may have flipped out, but mom took care of that. I smiled and kissed him once more, hugging him tightly.
“I’m only a phone call away, tell Balthazar and Castiel that,” I whispered and he nodded, ruffling my hair. He may have been shorter then me, but he never let me forget who was older. “See you later, Gabe.”
“See ya, Kiddo.” He put his helmet back on and headed in the direction that would allow him to take at least half an hour to get home. I watched him go; waiting untill I couldn’t see him anymore before heading inside. I brushed past Dean, who gave me a knowing look, and settle in my bed.
I smiled up at the ceiling and curled into my pillow a little. Out of them all, Gabriel had been the biggest surprise. Under all that teasing and pranking, there was actual care in there, and he cared about me, as well as Balthazar and Cas. I’m sure there were favourites in the group and I liked to think that if Gabriel had one, it was me. I was pretty sure it wasn’t real, but it gave me butterflies in my stomach to think about it.
The weekend came fast, and with the weekend came a frantic phone call from Castiel. Apparently the fighting was getting bad – things were being thrown – and that Gabriel had left the house and Balthazar was locked up in his room. I had asked my mom – Dad was at work with Dean – explaining things to her, and they both had been invited over. She was making fresh cherry and strawberry-rhubarb pie. I kind of wished Gabriel had been home; he’d be excited to come over, hearing that.
That hadn’t been a problem as two seconds later, Gabriel had showed up on my doorsteps with red eyes and panting, like he’d ran a marathon – sometimes he rode hard enough to do this. I pulled him into a hug and closed my eyes. He hugged back but didn’t cry, he didn’t really like to show ‘weakness’ in front of others, but I gave him this, and would let him have more if he asked it of me.
“Why don’t you come in, Gabriel dear, I have some fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies.” She spoke from the doorway with a warm-hearted smile and I couldn’t help but mouth thank-you. “I made them just before you got here, so the chocolate is still melted.”
“You know the way to a man’s heart, Mary.” He stepped back and gave her one of his grins. “If the man of the house out, if these cookies are as you say, I may not be held responsible for my actions.” I kicked him in the leg for that one, but he just laughed and my mom just shook her head and chuckled. “C’mon Sammy, you know who I really want to do irresponsible things with.” He wiggled his eyebrows.
“Shut up!” I whispered and docked him on the head, which only earned me a laugh as he beelined for the kitchen.
Balthazar and Castiel arrived a few minuets later – Lucifer had dropped them off – and joined us in our cookies-and-milk fest, though Gabriel horded half of them for himself. Everyone seemed to cheer up after that, and settled down, even Cas seemed relaxed more then usual. I always said my mom’s chocolate chips were magical; no matter how down you were feeling, how angry or sad or what emotion, her cookies could set you right back up on your feet.
“We should build a hot air balloon.” Balthazar spoke.
The cookies were also, unfortunately, easy to choke on. That was what I was doing as Gabriel hit my back while laughing and Cas urged me to drink the rest of my milk. Balthazar grinned at me and I glared at him as I attempted to gain composure once more before sighing. I rubbed my chest and looked at him, but he had one of those ‘This is one of my serious-stupid ideas and I’m not backing down’ looks.
“Why not, it would be fun, and challenging for you dorks.” He threw an arm around Gabriel’s shoulder. “And exciting for us cool people.” He grinned and I turned to look at Castiel. He had a thoughtful look on his face, like he was actually considering this. “C’mon, don’t tell me you’ve never wanted to build a hot-air balloon.” I hadn’t, of course but that didn’t stop the hopeful look on Balthazar’s face.
I sighed and pulled out my laptop, because if we were going to do this, we would have top see if it was at least possible for us to do this without blowing something up, and excessive amounts of money. We probably were only going to build a small-scale one, which wouldn’t be as bad as attempting to make a giant one that could carry us.
Plus Balthazar was right. It would be kind of fun.
“Okay, so here is what we need for this,” I said and Castiel hunted down paper and a pen. “Painter's plastic, balsa wood, and birthday candles,” I listed off. “We’ll also need something to heat-seal it and melt the candles, but my dad has an electric hot knife in the shed for that.”
“We should make one out of a condom.” Gabriel grinned.
I gave him one of my ‘bitchfaces’ at the same time as Cas gave one of his disapproving look. That nipped that notion in the butt. “As for candles, we have tons of those and I think my dad might have some light wood to replace the balsa wood.” I tapped my head. “We could use a plastic bag, but I don’t think it would be as effective.”
“Anna is a hard-core artist, she’d going places I swear, she’d have some of that artist’s plastic.” Balthazar added. “Which means Gabriel will have to go back. Lucifer probably won’t be home and Michael will be at work or locked in his room.” Gabriel opened his mouth to protest but Balthazar held up a hand. “You are the adult with the motorcycle; I failed my driver’s test.”
“That’s because you used the rearview mirror to look down her shirt,” Castiel states blandly.
“She wasn’t wearing a bra and had great tits, okay?” Balthazar grinned. “I can’t be blamed.”
Castiel didn’t look too impressed though and before they could fight – which would end in Balthazar groping Cas in the middle of my kitchen - Gabriel got up, mumbled something about hating us all and left to grab the plastic. The rest of us moved out to the back, grabbing a plant of thick wood to work on and the rest of the supplies. I took my laptop with me just in case, and so I could follow along with the pictures.
Gabriel came back in a flash with the painter’s plastic and we set it up to make two; Balthazar and I would make one and Castiel and Gabriel would.
I measured the plastic as Balthazar melted the candles together like he was supposed too. I smiled; glad to find him so focused on something that didn’t involved sex. I knew the reason for it, as I was pretty sure he was nymphomaniac. It was mostly only refereed to for females, but Balthazar was just as sex driven as that name described. I was pretty sure Gabriel and him were having sex because of it, though I wasn’t sure how far he’d gotten with Cas besides the groping.
I also knew that it acted up more when he was upset, kind of like OCD would, and that he wasn’t just shoving people against walls. I figured that’s why he wanted to do this, something that would take a lot of his brain functions and hopefully wouldn’t remind him of the sex he was probably craving more then the alcohol he drank like water.
After I cut the plastic, we used the electric hot knife to seal the edges so that only the bottom was open. I grinned at him and he smirked, looking back over at Castiel and Gabriel, as they burned a hole in their second bag in Gabriel’s impatience. We both turned and grinned at each other before getting to work on melting the candles to the thin strip of wood, which had two pieces taped together on the ends to look like an ‘I’.
We then taped the plastic around the wood, securing it in place while still making it as light as we could. That finished the part. We tied a string to the wood so that when we let it fly, it didn’t get to far away from us, and waited for Gabriel and Cas to finish.
They took a few more minuets before being done as well, Gabriel looking smug and Castiel excited – which didn’t happen very often. I smiled and handed him the stick to hold the plastic away from the candles so they could light theirs and gave Balthazar ours. I wanted him to light it, as it had been his idea. He smiled at me and lifted the plastic, being careful and lighting the plastic. I helped him hold it up as it started to inflate.
“This is actually pretty cool.” Gabriel chuckled. “Huh.”
Balthazar watched fascinated and I felt proud of all of them, and glad I was able to make them happy. He stepped back as it started to raise and handed me part of the string so we could watch as it rose into the air and hovered above our heads and too the left, as to avoid dripping wax.
We waited until almost all of the candles were out before letting it go. That way if it fell or landed on something, it wouldn’t start a fire. In fact after we let it go, it only too a few more minutes before the flame was out. The wind caught it though and it drifted off south. I laughed and leaned into Balthazar, who wrapped an arm around my waist, watching it with me. I smiled and laughed when Gabriel and Castiel refused to let theirs go instead holding it until it sank back to the floor.
“Ice cold lemonade, you four? You must be hot, working with all that fire and in this heat,” My mom called from the steps and everyone perked up at that.
It wasn’t until we were cuddled together in the shade, lemonade long gone that Balthazar started to get restless. I tilted my head up so I could look at him, and his attention was on a tree branch, and it was obvious something was wrong. I looked at Castiel, who was lightly dozing, and then at Gabriel who was passed out and squirmed out of his hold so I could stand. I offered my hand to Balthazar and helped him to his feet, leading him away from the others.
I stopped when we were far enough in the field that I was sure no one would over-hear us or catch us. I looked him over before asking: “Are you alright, and don’t give me any bull about everything being fine, I know it’s not.” I crossed my arms, a serious look on my face. “Please, tell me, if not it’s just going to get worse, what ever it is.” Though I was pretty sure I already knew what it was.
“I…” he sighed and leaned in closer, so that our lips almost touched. “You know my sex addiction is just that, that I have a literal addiction to sex. It’s bad too, I don’t know where it came from or why, all I know is I like sex, I think about sex a lot and I crave it. It gets worse when they fight, because one day someone is going to throw a punch, or Lucifer is going to walk out. I look up to Lucifer; he’s one of the only things aside from Gabriel that makes living there bearable, with my problem.”
He sighed. “Lucifer and I don’t touch, but he listens, and he’s the one who makes it so Michael doesn’t find out about me and Gabriel, when we have sex.” He rubbed at my cheek a little, pressing his body closer. “I know you’re probably saving you’re virginity for Gabriel, or maybe you and Cas will lose yours together, I’m not asking for that, I just… I need something, to touch, to explore.”
I looked him in the eyes, saw the struggle there and I nodded. “Just… no penetration; please.” But he didn’t answer, he just leaned down and pressed his lips against mine hungrily, prying them apart so he could slide his tongue in. I moaned and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. He groaned into my mouth, but all I could focus on was the feel of finger’s trailing up my skin, causing me to shiver as little sparks of pleasure made its way up to my nipples.
I moaned when he gripped my nipple, pinching and twisting and tugging in just the right way that had my knees trembling, had them weak like jelly. I gripped his hair, pulling him closer before breaking the kiss to breathe as his fingers moved down, working on my pants. I looked him in the eyes and saw a hunger there, something deep and animalistic and it was just so damn hot.
“Balthazar…” I murmured, pulling him up for another kiss before whining softly as they left mine, trailing down my chest. I groaned as he brushed them against my navel, his fingers massaging the muscle of my thighs, working their way upwards to my hips.
I had a two second warning of warm breath before hot, wet heat enveloped my cock. My eyes went wide as I bucked forward into the willing and pliable mouth. I gripped his hair once more and let my head fall back as he moaned around me, sending vibrations all around my erection. I could feel the blood pounding, moving more south as he started to bob his head, slick tongue sliding up and down the shaft before curling around the head.
“Balthazar I… I can’t, someone… hear…” My brain wasn’t functioning properly, all I could really focus on was the drag of lips and tongue, and sometimes teeth.
He sucked, hallowing out his cheeks and I swore I saw stars are my knees buckled, slamming into his shoulders. I felt him wince a little, but it only seemed to edge him on, make him move faster. My eyes were wide as I stare down at him, watching my cock slide past his lips, appearing and then disappearing. I tugged on his hair, not knowing if I wanted to pull him off or pull him closer, but it seemed closer because Balthazar had to grip my legs as he moaned, taking me in completely.
I started to babble, unable to think of anything anymore as the world tilted and then blacked out in pleasure.
The world came back and I was laying on my back, Balthazar nuzzling my hip as he stared up at me with an amused look. He flicked his tongue out towards the tip and I groaned, arching. He chuckled and kissed it before moving so he was cuddled against my side, giving me time to adjust. I closed my eyes and sucked in a few breaths, thankful for that time.
“So, how was your first blow-job? I know we’ve touched and grinded and I don’t know how far you and Gabriel have gone, but I have to say. For all that health crap you eat, you taste pretty damn good,” He whispered in my ear and another groan escaped my lips. “I’d ask if you want to go again, but you’re still reeling from you’re first, I think I might kill you with a second time.”
He was probably right.
“Lets go back before Gabriel wakes up.” He smiled and got up, helping me to my feet. “And in case your mom comes out and thinks we’ve been kidnapped.” He grinned and I shook my head, still a little wobbly. He just wrapped an arm around my waist and lead me back to Gabriel and Cas.
He flopped over Gabriel and I curled into Cas, causing the older man to make a startled sound and jolt up. Balthazar laughed and knocked into me, but I was already starting to doze. Castiel and the sun were warm, and the soft rise and fall of his chest lulled me along with his heart beat. I smiled as Castiel curled into me, squirming a little before resting his head against mine.
“What the hell?” Gabriel groaned and that’s all I heard before I drifted off. I could feel a hand in my hair and the whisper of something in my ear, but I was already too far gone to make out the words.
Castiel jabbed a finger into my side and I lifted my head quickly, eyes wide. I wiped a little bit of spit from my bottom lip and looked over at him. I cursed and sunk down in my seat as I’d realised I’d fallen asleep in class. It wasn’t something I ever did, this was probably the first time since I’d come out and had a huge fight with my dad, that I’d done this. Thankfully Castiel had woken me up, and not a teacher, then again it was Gabriel’s fault.
He had phoned and talked to me well past my bed time, but he’d needed an ear to talk into while Lucifer and Michael fought. The fights were getting longer, worse and more frequent. My boyfriends spent more time at my house, and my dad was getting suspicious on what they were, or that at least one of them was; but it was worth it. To get them to relax, to smile and to not fret so much about what was going on, I would scream to the whole world about us if it meant I got to keep them safe and happy.
Dean had also apparently been missing a lot of work, and was receiving mysterious phone calls. It made me wonder if he had a secret girlfriend, or maybe he was sleeping with a taken wife – I wouldn’t put it past him – which just made me shake my head. I wasn’t going to poke him about it, I really didn’t care as long as Dean didn’t get hurt or arrested or killed, he could do what he wanted.
“How long did Gabriel have you on the phone till?” Castiel asked in a whisper, looking concerned. “I went to bed around eleven and he was still up talking to you.” He tilted his head.
“Till around three in the morning, and then I had to be up early because Dean had somewhere to be. I know, shocker. Him up early? I was staring at him like he grew a second head too.” I leaned back in my chair and sighed. “But yeah, three in the morning, not the best time to go to bed when you have to get up at five. Two hours of sleep; at least it’s not Thursday.”
“Things are getting… rocky at home… I almost wish they’d just stop talking to each other, even that would be better then the fighting. Lucifer’s been gone for hours at a time now though, but whenever he come back Michael starts something, threatens him and throws accusations.” He shifts nervously. “I’m so scared that he’ll find out, and tell Father Jim what is going on and that I wont be able to become a minister.” He stares down.
I placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “You’ll become a minister, Castiel, it doesn’t matter what you are. You love God with everything you have and you share his word better then anyone, something of love and peace, don’t worry so much about it, okay?”
Castiel sighed and nodded, before paying attention once more. I sighed with him and squeezed his hand under the table, intertwining our fingers. I knew he felt very hard about becoming a minister, about spreading love and acceptance with people, rather than hate like so many were doing right now. He was going to change people, and we were all honoured to be in that processes.
I just hoped we last long enough to see it there together.
When Lucifer showed up on my doorstep, I should have known things were bad. He shifted, looking of to the side and his lip was bloody. He shifted, looking uncomfortable before glancing back at me. He startled at first and took a step back, like he was ready to run, to flee before thinking better of it. He didn’t say anything at first, like he was scared too say something wrong, like he was thinking over his words.
“Is your brother home?” he finally asked, shifting on his feet again. “I really need to talk to him, please.” As he says this, his eyes get misty, like he’s two seconds away from bursting out and that’s enough for me.
“DEAN! LUCIFER’S AT THE DOOR!” I called and never mind why Lucifer is here, or why it’s for Dean. I didn’t even know they knew each other… well, they had gone to school together, but they had been enemies, Dean had always complained about him, and how much he hated him. “DEA-”
I was shoved to the side as Dean came over, still tugging on his coat. “I’M GOING OUT!” He yelled before stepping out and shutting the door behind him. I tried to spy at them out of the window, but Dean’s back was in the way, though I did see Lucifer’s arm… they were hugging. I could also hear hushed whispers, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying.
They both got into the car almost instantly after breaking the hug, Lucifer’s head bowed as he let Dean drive. I frowned and stepped back, sighing. I rubbed my neck and made it to my bedroom. I flopped onto my bed and grabbed my text book – needed to make up exam studying I missed last night – and settled in for a few good hours of hard studying.
I only got in one before my cell phone rang. I picked it up and pressed the phone to my ear. “Hello?”
“S-Sa-Sa-Sam,” came a choked sob and I instantly sat up, recognizing Castiel’s voice. “H-h-e – An… and he, an-and n-now he’s…” Castiel chokes off and started to sob into the receiver. I cursed and grabbed for my own jacket. “Th-th-the-y… Sa-S-Sam.”
“Hey, hey, hey. Calm down Castiel, you have to calm down and tell me what’s going on.” I covered the receiver with my hand and looked at my mom. “I need you to take me to Castiel’s; now.” My mom quickly got up and grabbed her keys. “I’m on my way Cas, right now, shh, it’s okay I’m coming.”
Castiel took a few shuddering breaths and cried a little more, taking till we were in the car to speak. “M-Michael… Michael kicked Lucifer out, he found out Lucifer was seeing someone, I don’t know who, but it was a boy. And… and then… then Balthazar locked himself in the bathroom. I thought… I thought he was just crying, because he turned on the shower…” Castiel started to cry again. “Gabriel had to break down the door, he’d turned on the cold water as cold as it could go, and he… he was so cold Sam, his lips were blue and he was shaking and we had to call an ambulance.” He started to cry harder. “Michael went with the ambulance; Gabriel is here with me, hurry, please.”
I urged my mom to go faster, trying to keep Castiel clam, and when Castiel was unable to talk, Gabriel came on the phone. He was in shock, and didn’t talk so much as whimper. I talked him through it, and tore off my seatbelt, getting out of the car before it had had a chance to fully stop. I pulled them both into me and let them cry. My mom waited from the car, letting us have this before we were ushered in; she’d drive us.
I sat in the back with them and let both of them curl close. Castiel continues to cry, but Gabriel remained quiet, it wasn’t until we spotted Michael in the waiting room that Gabriel exploded. Thankfully I felt him shake and was able to drag him out before he tore Michael to shreds. Castiel wouldn’t go near Michael, and stayed near my mom as I back Gabriel as far from the room as possible.
“Gabriel, Gabriel look at me, I need you to tell Lucifer what’s going on and to come here. He’s with Dean, so I’m phoning his cell phone.” I did just that, keeping an arm around Gabriel’s waist.
“Hello?”
“Hey Dean, this is really, really important, I need you to put Lucifer on the phone, it has to do with Balthazar.”
“I… what… okay.”
I handed the phone to Gabriel and let him walk away with it as he explained what happened with Balthazar. I looked away when I saw his shoulder’s start to shake and kicked at a rock, sighing. I was staying strong for Castiel and Gabe, but I too was feeling close to tears. I remembered that time behind the tree, when Balthazar had said he didn’t know what would happen if Lucifer got kicked out, that sadness in his eyes.
I leaned against the wall and clenched my fist. I loved him, I loved all of them, there was no working my way around it. We’d never said it to each other, never said the words out right. We’d done it in touches and little actions and kisses and looks; but not in words. I loved Balthazar, even though he had an addiction to sex, and he couldn’t help but molest us in public. I loved Castiel, even if he was shy, and unwilling to make our relationship public, because he was scared of ruining his dream. I loved Gabriel, even if he was two year’s older then me and obsessed with candy and embarrassing me at any turn.
I fought back the tears, held them back when Gabriel came back over and cried into my chest again, when Lucifer showed up with Dean in a panic. I held them back when Lucifer and Michael almost had another fight in the waiting room and my mom told them both to stop behaving like children. I held them back when Castiel curled himself on my lap, and I watched Dean and Lucifer hold hands where they thought no one could see.
I even held them back when the doctor came out and told us he’d be okay, that they got his temperature down enough and that we could go see him. I held them back as I waited to be allowed in the room, as Michael went in, and was asked to leave the room by Balthazar, when Lucifer went in with Gabriel and Castiel. I paced back and forth in the hallway, while Dean waited against the wall. I didn’t pressure him about Lucifer, didn’t even hint anything, and neither did mom.
Finally we were allowed to come in and I walked over to him, shaking as I saw the many IV’s and machines he was hooked too, keeping track of his vitals and body temperature, in case it dove down again. He had Gabriel curled up on one side, and Castiel on the other. Castiel was asleep but Gabriel was murmuring things in his ear and running his fingers through his hair.
Lucifer was sitting in a chair and Dean sat on the floor next to it, openly showing affection and comfort; no one said anything.
“Balthazar…” I whispered and only then did I cry. I rushed over and made sure not to wake Cas as I gripped at his hand and squeezed. “Why did you do this, you could have called me, or Gabriel would have been there, something.” I whispered and buried my face in his chest. “You could have died.”
“I know, I’m sorry.” Balthazar croaked a little. “But… it got so bad, so bad and then Lucifer wasn’t there and Gabriel was yelling at Michael and I just needed it so bad, I would have hurt someone, would have hurt Cas, and I thought maybe a cold shower would work, but it wasn’t helping and then I was too cold to move and… I’m sorry.” He gripped at my shirt. “I’m so sorry.”
I found some space on the bed towards his feet and curled up there, not letting go of his hand. The doctors came in to try and shoo us out, but Balthazar said he would have felt more comfortable with us here, and Castiel and Gabriel were already sleeping and I was just about to pass out. I don’t know what Mom had said to get them to change their minds, but all I know is I wasn’t asked to leave and eventually fell asleep.
The doctors kept Balthazar for a week, checking out his vitals and had talked to Michael about placing Lucifer in a psyche ward for a while, to help him with his nymphomaniac tendencies. Balthazar had not liked that, but Michael had agreed too it, and since Balthazar was still a minor and under Michael’s parental control, Balthazar had no choice.
We had all tried to talk him out of it, but in the end Michael had stuck to his guns, and asked that no one under the age of twenty one be able to view him. Thankfully Lucifer was twenty two and visited him as often as he could, keeping him sane and sending him out love and letters. I knew it must have been driving him mad to be locked up in that place, and the next month just seemed to drone on and on.
Castiel and I had finished school and were finally on summer vacation, but it wasn’t the same without Balthazar. Dean had finally come out and told our parents, and me, that he was dating Lucifer, and then moved out the next day. Dad wasn’t too happy, but Mom liked Lucifer so she had gone and made them some home-warming pies and cookies. I was a little hesitant at first, but when I caught them being cute in the kitchen, holding hands and whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ears, laughing and looking happy, I settled down about it.
Castiel and Gabriel and I spent most of our time at my house or Dean and Lucifer’s apartment, sulking or just cuddling together. We knew the next three months before Balthazar got let out – he was showing good progress and behaviour, though Lucifer said he was going out of his mind and acting most of the roles – would be hard. Truth was, I just wanted to be able to tell him I loved him, what he meant to me, face to face. To hold him and kiss him and let him know.
Instead, I made him a tape. I spent all night long working on it until I was happy with it. I got Lucifer to bring it to him on his next visit, and the next day I told Gabriel and Castiel the truth, of how I felt and was happily surprised to find the felt the same.
<i>Hey Balthazar; its Sam. How you hanging in there? I hope you aren’t being treated too badly, but anyways. I wish I could be there, to say these things in person, and when you get out I’ll repeat them to you, face to face, but for now, hopefully this’ll keep you going.
There is a long list of reason why none of us should work out, mainly being that three of you are brother’s and we are all men. But that doesn’t matter, just like you being nymphomaniac doesn’t matter, or that Gabriel; can’t go two seconds without something sweet in his mouth, and really he should be fat by now. Or that Castiel wants to be a minster and sometimes forget that what he says can be harmful, though he apologises for ever wanting to keep this a secret, and that you felt you needed to hide this from him.
It doesn’t matter that in a year I’ll be going away to Harvard to become a lawyer. What matters is that I love you. I love you, Cas, Gabriel, all three of you. You three have made my life so completely, so fulfilled and wonderful I can hardly stand it. I know I’m sappy and you’re probably going to laugh at me but it’s all true. You three complete my life in way I never thought possible. This relationship should never have worked out but it did, and without it I don’t think I could have gotten this far in life.
I want you to know I’m waiting; we are all waiting for you to get out. We haven’t left you or abandoned you and no matter the state you come out of there, we will </i>always<i> be waiting for you.
Love, with everything I have.
Sam.</i>
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no subject
on 2011-10-04 01:25 pm (UTC)I really enjoyed it though.
no subject
on 2011-10-04 02:02 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-10-04 05:15 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-10-05 12:42 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-10-09 04:14 pm (UTC)I just so wanted to give Balthazar a hug. ☺
no subject
on 2011-10-10 02:54 am (UTC)