This Can't be One of Them Part One
Mar. 21st, 2011 04:57 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
theinsaneeraserTitle: This Can't be One of Them
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
theinsaneeraser
Rating: NC-17
Genre(s): Angst (when isn't there angst in my fics?) like it's going out of style, Hurt/Comfort, (light)Femmeslash, Grace/Soul!kink, Wing!Kink, unintentional Bonding,
Pairing(s): Gabriel/Sam, mild Dean/Castiel, Balthazar/Castiel(one-sided, Bal), Veronica/Alex(OFC's). Slight (only if you squint) mentions of past Crowley/Gabriel. Hinted Bobby/Crowley.
Other Character(s): Anthony Gardler (OMC), Jarl Backman (OMC), Raven. Mentions of: Lucifer.
Word Count: 16,810
Warnings: Mentions of torture, massacred Grace, angelcest, dark themes. Ignores Season six (aside from one or two things). A lot of original Characters, but there is reasons and they are needed.
Summary: With the war no longer hanging over their shoulders, everything should be going back to normal, right? No, Gabriel is still missing and with a hint from Raven will he be able to find him? Meanwhile Gabriel’s in hiding trying to recuperate from the scars his own brother has inflicted on him. Will Sam be able to find him, and if he does, will it be Gabriel he finds?
~*~*~*~
The shadows were long as the sun slowly rose from the east, casting the sky an angry red that seemed to mock him. He curled his hands into fists and leaned against the wall, looking down at his bare feet in the grass, realizing with dismay, he was cold. These were sensations he’d had trouble getting used to. It had been in this hell for good six months and he’d only gotten out now because Lucifer was gone.
He wasn’t the same.
He let out a sigh and scratched at the rash-like bruise on his left wrist where he could still feel the metal that seemed burned into his skin. Flashes of smoke, laughter and fear raced through his mind and he shook his head to be rid of them. He didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to remember; wanted to repress it. He took a deep shuddering breath and raised his shaking fingers and snapped.
This room was smoky too, but not with the harsh smell of burning flesh and coals. This room smell of cigarettes, weed and other drugs that he would have taken part of. Now though, now he did not even bat an eyelash or look twice at the half naked woman and men lounging around and laughing, or having sex and touching. Instead he walked through the crowd, trying to draw as little attention to himself as he could as he made his way to one of the darker corners of the room.
It was amazing he’d spotted her at all, but then again, he had always been able to spot his teacher. She was lounging on a blood-red couch, her long black hair flung over the armrest; black eyes trained on the raven curled into her side, feathers matching the blackness of her strapless cocktail dress. She was muttering to it in a language he still hadn’t been able to learn or understand himself, and yet it was comforting.
Anything would have been comforting after what he’d been through.
She lifted her eyes from the bird and then sat up, as if she had been startled. The raven beside her squawked and flapped its wings, obviously unhappy with being disturbed, but she paid it no attention. She sat up, throwing her legs over the side and getting to her feet. She was around the same height as he was, give or take a few inches, and she was staring at him like he was a ghost. He supposed going missing for six months could cause that reaction.
“Raven.” his voice was barely a whisper and then she was in front of him, catching him as his legs gave out. He was sure he was not the picture of beauty, wearing only a filthy white t-shirt and torn jeans, his hair matted with blood and dirt and things he’d rather not think about.
“Loki.” She sounded as worried as she looked and he was dumped onto a bed that he was sure wasn’t there a moment ago. In fact they were somewhere else completely. His head was spinning and he was having trouble concentrating so he wasn’t sure. “What happened to you? Where have you been?”
“Don’t…I can’t…” he crunched his eyes shut as he worked on breathing and not passing out as panic overtook him.
“Loki, stay with me, what’s wrong.” She gripped his arm tighter and it hurt. He was pretty sure he whimpered. “Gabriel.”
“It hurts, it all hurts.” Gabriel shivered because he was cold. Everything was cold. He could not warm up, and his Grace was not emitting the heat he so desperately needed.
“What happened?” Raven pressed as she flicked her wrist, muttering something under her breath, and then there was a basin beside the bed where the nightstand used to be. She grabbed a wash cloth and dipped it into the steaming water, before wiped at his face, causing him to have to close his eyes. “Why are you not healing?”
Gabriel didn’t answer. He just tried to relax under the soft strokes of the cloth on his skin, as the six months worth of grime, dirt, blood and unspeakable things just washed away. He felt like he was being reborn, as though the past had never happened and he could feel himself starting to recede into his mind, into the place where he would be safe, safe from everything.
“Loki, you can tell me, I will not judge, nor will I shun you away. You are my pupil.” She said this with such sincerity that Gabriel knew it had to be true, but he did not have the will to speak. Not yet, anyway, and right now he needed the small comforts.
“Well, someone has grown up in the last six months.” Gabriel tried to joke, his voice a little hoarse, his tone a little flat.
“Someone has had to play mediator while you’ve been away. I do not know how you did it; it’s made me…change.” Raven paused before placing a hand on his chest. “Can I remove your shirt?”
“Why are you asking?” Gabriel asked, opening one eye to see Raven giving him a serious look and he sighed. “Yes.” He just wished things could be normal, but he understood why she was asking
“You ready to tell me what happened or are you going to continue to be a stubborn angel?” she asked, replacing the grimy cloth into the water, that didn’t soil, picking the cloth – now clean again – and placing it against his chest. She worked in soft, soothing circles and the warmth of the water calmed him.
“I’m not sure.” He replied, his eyes closed, not in sleep – though he desperately wished for it – but in relaxation as he let her cleanse him.
“Why haven’t you healed yourself Gabriel?” she whispered and he winced when she hit some of the cuts, scrapes and wounds that littered his chest and still stung.
“I can’t.”
“You can’t?”
The soft strokes on his chest had stopped and he stared back up into Raven’s eyes as she stared down at her, wetness trailing down her cheeks in what Gabriel recognized as tears. He’d never seen Raven cry, and suddenly he felt guilty for making those tears fall.
“Raven…”
She placed a hand to his lips and shook her head. She continued to wash off the dirt and Gabriel lapsed in silence, the only sound was the slosh of water when the cloth was washed. He closed his eyes, wondering if now would be a good time to sleep, but knew it wouldn’t come. The nightmares, of smoke, pain and laughter were too overwhelming.
He opened an eye when the cloth had disappeared for longer then a few moments and blinked when he saw Raven lay down, placing her head on his chest, taking his hand in hers. They used to do this, when the scars of his brothers fighting had been raw and painful. They were never lovers - Raven was too much like a mother, a teacher – but it was moments like these that made Gabriel remember why Raven had meant the world to him.
“I know you do not wish to tell me what happened, Gabriel, and you are healed now as well. “ As she said this he noticed he did not ache as he had before. “But one day you will, and I hope that day is soon, not until after you rest of course.”
“How do you know I need sleep?”
“I can see it in your eyes.” She stared up at him. “And I can hear it in your heartbeat, meus discipulos.”
Gabriel shivered at the use of his old nickname, the one he had hated so much, but now brought him reassurance. “Thank you.” he whispered, already slipping off.
“Good night, Gabriel, and sweet dreams.”
Gabriel woke up to the sun in his eyes.
He groaned and covered his face, rolling over into the pile of plush pillows, tugging at the sheets and pulling them over his head to block out the unwelcome light. He had not dreamed; there had been only blissful darkness, and yet a tug, a tug of something in the tattered remains of his Grace. He ignored it and too refuge in the comfort of the small nest-like thing under him – it needed work, but it wasn’t so bad.
He was pretty sure Raven had made it, for comfort. It was better then her last attempts – she had learned – and he smiled, closing his eyes…before the memories of why he was like this came flooding back and he winced, curling in on himself slightly. He tugged the sheets closer around himself and stared at the blue of the sheets, a navy color with the lack of light, with some brighter hues where the sun was a bit stronger.
He heard footsteps and had to remind himself he was there with Raven, to keep himself from bolting. Not that he could have gone anywhere with his Grace like this, and his wings a heavy, dead weight on his back, itching and burning in some places where he knew new feathers were growing in from where they’d been torn out.
He listened to the click of heels as they walked around the bed and then the whole blanket seemed to illuminate – she must have opened the curtains – before the side of the bed sank. She did not say anything, just sat there as if waiting for Gabriel to make the first move. He bit his bottom lip and turned his head a little before letting out a breath.
“Pancakes.” He said softly. “Chocolate-strawberry pancakes, with lots of syrup, maple syrup – the Canadian stuff.”
There was a soft chuckle and he could imagine Raven shaking her head, before he was once again blinded by the light as Raven pulled the sheet from over his head.
“I am not your maid, Gabriel, you can come get them yourself.” She rolled her eyes, letting her fingers trail across his cheek before leaving the room.
Gabriel lay in bed. How long he had been there, he wasn’t exactly sure. His stomach was protesting his laziness, but he finally sighed and swung his legs over the side. He waited a few moments to see if Raven was coming – which she apparently was not– before placing his feet down on the- thankfully-warm floor and stalking out of the room.
The bedroom was attached to the living room, which was furnished in only a couch and TV, with an empty stand. There was a ceiling light but nothing else, and the room was dark green with a blue carpet that tickled his feet. There was a door leading to the kitchen, and he could hear Raven inside, to a balcony which overlooked a huge field with a lone tree. He did not know where they were; only that he was thankful.
He realised this place must have been a palace or a hotel, but they were the only occupants. He could still tell with his Grace, it was chopped not completely gone.
“Is it to your liking?” Raven’s cheerful voice called from the kitchen and Gabriel padded over to the balcony, throwing a “yes” over his shoulder.
He stepped out onto the balcony and was hit with a burst of warm air that smelled faintly of wild raspberries. He shivered, not from the cold, and gripped the railing, staring down. They were at least four floors up and it made for a nice fall. Part of him wondered if he would die if he stepped out, with his Grace in the state it was, and part of him wondered why he did not just do it. He bit his lip and tried to push those thoughts away, white-knuckling the marble and took a deep breath to center himself.
“Everything alright?” Raven suddenly asked from behind him and he jumped, turning around to see her taking a step back, hands up. “I’m sorry; I thought you knew I was here.”
Gabriel shook his head and turned around again. “It’s alright.” He whispered and stared back out at the field, the wind tickling the small hairs on the back of his neck he’d never noticed before. “So, is this someplace like the one Dionysus trapped us in before?”
“Yes, I thought it was best for you to get away for a while.”
“So, am I confined to the palace, or can I explore the field?”
“You can explore the field, of course; I remember how easily you get bored.” Raven chuckled and leaned against the railing, her leg bent at the knee, her foot resting against the side of the railing, her elbows resting on top of it.
“Can I leave?”
“Of course you can.” Raven frowned. “I’d never keep you against your will.”
“Unless it was for my own good.”
“Exactly, so stop asking stupid questions.” She pushed off and made her way towards the door. “Now, come and eat your damn pancakes, it has been a while since I’ve cooked.”
“You cooked them, by hand?” he raised an eyebrow and she nodded. “I don’t know if I want them now, I don’t want to be poisoned.”
“Oh you little sus.” Raven hissed softly and Gabriel grinned.
It was the first grin or genuine smile he had cracked since he’d last seen Sam.
He felt the grin fade from his face as he remembered the Winchester he had left behind. He should not have left, he knew that. He had probably pushed the hunter into saying yes, which wasn’t something he’d wanted. He had wanted to stay with Sam, but he was a damn coward, and he ran, scared of what had been growing between them, scared of his own feelings.
The funny thing was, if he had stayed with him he probably wouldn’t have had to endure what he had.
“You alright?”
He looked up to find Raven staring at him with worried eyes and he nodded.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Liar.” Was all she said before she disappeared back into the room, and he blinked before following after her.
“Okay, I’m not alright, I’m fucked up and the shit that happened was messed up.” He forced out and when she didn’t say anything he clenched his fist. “What do you want to hear? You want to hear how my brother tortured me, trying to get me to turn on the guy I loved?”
“I want to know what happened.” She replied softly and placed the plate with his pancakes on the table.
“I’ll tell you, if you tell me what happened with the war.”
“What makes you think that I kept up with the Judeo-Christian Apocalypse?”
Gabriel stared at her. “Because it’s you,” he said and sat down. “Plus you’re worse then a mother hen, you’d be snooping around for information on me.”
Raven chuckled and nodded. “Alright, I do know some things.”
Gabriel nodded and sat down, grabbing the fork. “Did they lock Lucifer back in the cage?” he asked, shoving a forkful of – ohmyfather – the best pancakes he’d ever tasted.
“Yes, they did. It was troublesome, and they almost didn’t do it, but they pulled it off.” Raven reclined in her chair. “Castiel Molotov’d Michael, and of course got exploded, but he was revived a second time by your father with an upgrade.” Gabriel blinked before opening his mouth but she held up a finger. “Your turn. What happened to your Grace?”
Gabriel bit his lip and took another fork-full of pancakes, chewing slowly.
Raven stared at Gabriel, tears in her eyes as she stood up and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a tight embrace. He clung to her and closed his eyes, burying his face in her neck as he felt Tears slid down his own cheeks. He knew he was safe here, with Raven, away from everything. He’d go back, someday, when he could find it in him to do it anyways.
“I have to leave for a bit, but I think you should take a nap. There are no dreams here. Your sleep will always be peaceful.” She whispered but he was reluctant to let him go. “I won’t be long, I promise, only you and I can enter this place, unless you wish for me to get someone for you.”
He almost asked for her to get Sam, but he was either dead or in the pit, so he bit his lip and nodded. He would ask her more about the war later. Right now that nap sounded like heaven right now.
~*~*~*~
The war had ended and they had won. Sam had contemplated saying yes to Lucifer, to trick him back into the box but Dean had continued to tell him no. And normally he would not have listened; it was not like he had a good track record on being the doting little brother. There was just something in Dean’s eyes, how tired he looked, how on edge and ready to give in.
Sam hated it.
So, they had gotten there, and he had drank the blood needed. Cas had said goodbye - even with what had happened when Dionysus had trapped them in that place, they still had not asked each other out - and he had been ready to say yes. He looked at Lucifer, and then at Dean who was staring anywhere but him, shoulders slumped like the world was not worth it anymore. He found he couldn’t do it, could not be the last brick that broke his brother’s back.
He knew it changed things, when he told Lucifer no, that no matter what he said, no matter how much he wanted it; Sam would never say yes. Because yeah, Dean was a pain in the ass, he liked to bug the shit out of him, call him names and refer to him as a girl. Sure, Dean had done some stupid things and lost all faith in him. Yes, Sam had betrayed him and set Lucifer free but he had not done it because he wanted to.
He had been deceived, tricked into it.
He had always wanted to do something good with his powers, his gift; his curse, for something meaningful. Sure, he had gone about it the wrong way and he should have seen through Ruby’s lies, should have known she was leading him down a wrong path. But she had used his weakness, the want to be good, to not be a freak and his pain over Dean’s death; his want for revenge, and used it against him.
“If there is one thing I learned from all this, from someone very dear to me,” he had said, staring Lucifer in the eyes, “it’s that sometimes, you just have to let go.”
He remembered the look on Lucifer’s face, remembered the way that a small, small flash of sadness crossed his haunted eyes before he was gone, leaving him and Dean alone. He also remembered the way Dean looked at him, like he had before and then there was a hug and Dean had thanked him.
“Sam, would you turn that awful music off!” Dean snapped fumbling for the radio dial. “I leave you and my baby alone for five minutes and you’re already fucking with her.”
Sam rolled his eyes and lowered the top of his lap top, hiding its contents from view. Really, Dean could be so immature and you would think finally choosing the right path, and not saying yes to Lucifer would earn him some free time alone with his own music. But no, ever since Cas had left to go check some stuff out in Heaven, Dean had been a bitchy little girl, and Sam was left dealing with him.
Truth was, Sam was looking for anything that might appear to be Gabriel-ish. Because yes, he missed the Archangel-trickster and now that the war was over, maybe he could convince him to come back. Sam had been hurt when Gabe had left, and he had sulked around for awhile. It was one of the reasons he’d considered saying yes, but in the end he couldn’t do it; not to Dean and not to Gabriel because Gabriel did not want it.
Not anymore.
But there was no sign of the Archangel and something in Sam’s gut told him this was bad, like part of him knew something was wrong but Dean would just call him a giant girl and Cas wasn’t around to talk to. So he suffered in silence as he waited for any sign, and clue as to where Gabriel was.
“Sammy, you alright? You look depressed.” Dean commented and Sam blinked looking up at him before shaking his head with a small smile.
“No, no, it’s alright.” He opened his lap top again. “So I was searching around and there may be a hunt down in Kilmichael, Mississippi.” Sam yawned, bringing up the page with the information. “There have been seven murders, all children. There is no actual evidence of their death, as the bodies are missing, but their rooms are all blood splattered and the beds soaked with it.”
“Oh, that’s just sick.” Dean groaned.
“I know, the blood is the best part. Though children are usually too sweet, so full of sugar.” A voice called and Sam’s head whipped to the windshield.
Raven was sitting upon the hood of the car, legs crossed and he was leaning back, like she had been there the whole time. She was smiling at Sam, before sliding off and walking around to his window – which he rolled down – she leaned against the door and stared at her with those black irises, it was a little creepily.
“Long time no see, Winchesters.”
“What are you doing here?” Dean snapped, grabbing for his dagger.
“I am here to speak to your brother.” She looked at Sam who blinked and opened his mouth, but shut it as she raised her hand. “Yes, this is about Gabriel.”
Sam had the door open and was out at lightening speed. He knew if Raven was a human he would have knocked her over, but she just gracefully stepped back, arms crossed as a raven landed on her shoulder. She stared at him with serious eyes and Sam’s stomach dropped into his legs.
“Is…is he alright?” Sam choked out.
“No.” she stated, blandly (bluntly?), before she held out her hand.
Sam had not noticed it before, but he did now, that Raven was carrying a small glass sphere. The Raven released it into Raven’s hand and she looked it over, pricking her finger and letting a drop of blood fall onto the clear sphere. The blood sank into it, spreading like it would if it had hit water before she handed it out to him.
“What is it?” Sam blinked, taking it hesitantly and watched as the orb soaked up all the blood, tinting it crimson. He held it up to the light and almost dropped it as it caught the sun, half blinding him.
“It will lead you to Gabriel.” She said and his eyes went wide. “When you learn to use it, that is.” He frowned and she smiled, almost a bit bitterly. “You have to figure it out on your own.” And then she was gone.
“What the fuck was that all about?” Dean asked looking over Sam’s shoulder and down at the orb in his hand.
“I don’t know.”
~*~*~*~
Gabriel sat in the tree that was in full bloom, munching on an apple he had made sure was free of worms first. It was calm out here in the field, and although he’d debated it, the inviting warm freeze and open space had been to temping to give up. Raven had gone and although he knew she’d be back soon and that he was safe here, he’d rather be in the open where he could run if he needed too. He was paranoid, he knew that, but who could blame him?
He was still barefoot, with the cuffs of his jeans swaying back and forth as he kicked his feet, so much like a child. He took another bite out of the juicy apple, some of its juice spilling down his chin, which he swiped back up with his tongue. His wings were out, curling around the branches of the tree. They were tinted slightly purple and there was patched where feathers looked like they had been ripped out, others were twisted and curled in the wrong way, which was irritating but he ignored it.
He had learned to ignore a lot of things.
Still, aside from the itch and twinge it wasn’t very painful and although his Grace throbbed and ached and pulled towards the other pieces of himself he couldn’t reach, he didn’t have very many scars. Not on the surface, he was still having problems coming to terms with what Lucifer had done to him. Part of him wanted to believe it was just a dream, to believe his brother would not be able to hurt him in such a way, but here was the aftermath to prove him wrong.
It made him angry.
He sighed and finished off the apple, tossing it behind him, only to have it come back at him with a soft hiss. He blinked and tilted his head back, his jaw loosening slightly as he was met with scales and a forked tongue. He blinked, tilted his head before fiddling in the tree, trying to contort his wings to the new position as he turned around to meet the face of the snake that seemed to be sharing the branch with him.
It was a python, who was looking at him with an annoyed look.
“Crowley?” he asked and the snake shook his head.
“Yessss Gabriel.” He hissed softly. “I do not appreciate being hit on the head with apple coressss.”
“Well, I didn’t know you where there.” He narrowed his eyes. “What are you doing here anyways, Raven said no one could come unless invited.”
“Yessss, that issss correct. Ssshe invited me.” Crowley coiled up his arm to drape around his shoulders. “I heard you were here and wisssshed to ssssee you.”
“How much has she told you?” Gabriel asked a little nervous. It was not that he didn’t trust the demon, they were best friends, but he didn’t want everyone knowing what had happened to him. Though, with his wings in this shape even if Raven hadn’t told him anything he would ask and pester until Gabriel folded.
“Sssshe told me to asssk you.” his tongue tickled the side of his neck. “Do you wisssh to talk about it?”
“Not…not yet.” Gabriel admitted and brushed his cheek over the slick scales of Crowley’s head. “I will, just not yet.”
“Alright.”
“Thank you.”
“Of coursssse.”
By the time Raven arrived back, Gabriel was curled up in the couch, a blanket thrown over himself as Crowley draped over the back of the couch, his tail flicking and wrapping in the blanket, tugging it playfully. Gabriel would swat at him half-heartedly as he sorted out cards, putting them under pictures and Crowley threw in some commentary every now and then. The commentary would either make Gabriel chuckle or scowl.
“Looks like you boys are having fun.” Raven teased coming to kneel next to the table as Gabriel placed a card that said: “Trick 4,381 – Making the London Bridge disappear, cars and all, for about two hours.” Under the picture showed Gabriel making a peace sign with his fingers from atop the London Bridge.
“Reminissscing in old timessss.” Crowley hissed softly as he bobbed his head back and both with some laughter. “I remember that trick.” He pointed to the card in Gabriel’s hand with his tail. “I helped you with that one.”
“Oh, which one?” Raven asked as she pushed up on hr legs, trying to peek over Gabriel’s arms.
“The one where we caused Muta so much trouble that we actually got her to talk.” Gabriel grinned. “What was it that eventually got her to speak?”
“I do believe it wasss those magpiessss you ssssent after her, the onesss that did not dissssssapear no matter what sssshe tried. I believe ssshe called ussss ‘horrid howler monkeysss with nothing better to do with our then pesssster innocent Goddessssss’.” The chuckle-hiss would have been impressive if he hadn’t heard Crowley do so many times before.
“You two really don’t have anything better to do?” Raven watched as Gabriel placed it next to a picture of Crowley and Gabriel running while being chased by a cloaked Goddess.
“Like you don’t cause mayhem.” Gabriel snorted, feeling a little more like himself. “I learned it all from you.”
Raven smiled and shook her head, her hair wobbling back and forth. “That you did, didn’t you.” It wasn’t a question but a fond statement.
“What about the Tokyo Trick?” Crowley asked, sliding down to curl up on Gabriel’s stomach.
“I though we agreed to never talk about that again.” Gabriel glared down at Crowley who chuckled and shook his head, coiling into a tight spiral and laid his chin atop his tail.
“Raven hasss that ‘I want to asssk you ssssomething’ look.”
Gabriel turned his attention to Raven who had an eyebrow raised but sat back down, legs tucked neatly under her as she placed her hands in her lap. Gabriel knew this was going to be one her serious talks which meant she wanted to talk more about what had happened to him while he was in Lucifer’s care. It also meant he would find out more about the war, and though the one question nagged at him, he ignored it.
“Were there anymore deaths aside from Cas’?” Gabriel fidgeted, because this could be where Raven told him Sam was gone, dead.
Raven nodded and Gabriel felt his stomach bottom out and he had unconsciously reached out to start petting Crowley’s scales. It was something that soothed him, and Crowley never minded, he pretty much enjoyed it. Though, if it had been anyone but him he was pretty sure Crowley would have bitten them.
“It was Bobby Singer, if you must know.” Gabriel swore Crowley stiffened under him. “Castiel brought him back though. Right before he left, Dean wasn’t too impressed about that.”
“So Cas and Dean still haven’t gotten together?”
“Those are two questions, Gabriel.”
Gabriel gritted his teeth and mumbled under his breath, deflating. Though he was pretty sure he already knew the answer – no, of course they wouldn’t – it bugged him. He was sure they would have gotten together by now. They really could not have been that stupid.
Okay, yes, they could.
“I know you wish to avoid the topic Gabriel. That you don’t want to think about it, but it will help.”
Gabriel sighed and tilted his head back, staring at the ceiling as he licked his lips nervously. He didn’t want to touch this topic with a ten foot poll, he was happy thinking about anything else, trying to forget it ever happened. He wanted to run away from his own memories – he was so good at running – but he knew Raven wouldn’t let him. He’d run away from home and although she couldn’t change that, she had built him into something different, given him a purpose so he didn’t drown in his own self-pity.
But she wouldn’t let him run this time.
“…Even though I knew all this, I still couldn’t truly hate him…not until, even then. I knew what he was going to do, and it was wrong but I still couldn’t hate him.” Gabriel whispered.
Raven smacked him upside the head, the same time as Crowley swatted his nose with his tail. Gabriel flinched; not in fear but Raven hit hard when she was scolding him – always treating him like a child – and this time was no different.
“There is nothing wrong with loving your family, even if they are fucked up, Gabriel.” Raven shook her head. “They are family, no matter what. It’s just how it is, just as we are your family as well.” she leaned down and kissed his forehead. “Now, enough suffering in the past, lets do something to lighten the mood.”
“I sssay we play ssstrip poker.”
“You don’t have clothes on you dolt, so unless you change back to human form we aren’t
playing strip poker.” Raven countered.
“Strip poker is boring, Crowley go back to your human form, we are playing Strip UNO!” he smiled, latching onto the change of subject like superglue, though still in the back of his mind brewed a darkness that threatened to engulf him.
~*~*~*~
Sam had tried just about everything to get the stupid orb to work.
He had pricked his finger, but the blood had only rolled off it like normal water would. He had also held it in his hands and wished for it to lead him to Gabriel. Nothing, after he’d tried Dean had taken it from his grip – Sam almost growled – and had said: “Is Gabriel alive?” and then shook it - like you would a magic 8 ball - looking down. Sam’s eyes had gone wide when a triangle block had risen to the surface and then busted out laughing as he read what it said.
You've got an IQ of two. Pity it takes three to grunt.
Dean grumbled and if Sam had not grabbed the orb from him, he would have smashed it against the wall. Still, this left him no closer to finding out how to use it or what it was for then he had been before. He was frustrated and sighed. He knew they should call Cas, but calling Cas would mean he would not answer and Dean would be in an even more foul mood.
“I’m calling Cas.” Dean said, standing up and Sam groaned because he’d been hoping he wouldn’t.
“We’ve tried before, I think he’s avoiding us, or maybe he’d busy. Not everyone’s going to be happy with him being in charge you know.” Sam stared down at the orb.
“Cas!” Dean yelled and Sam flinched a little. “Sam’s boyfriend is in trouble or something!” He crossed his arms. “You know, Gabriel, your brother, Raven gave us this or-” he stopped and Sam turned his head to the left where a man now stood.
He was about the same height as Dean, give or take a few inches with short black hair and piercing blue eyes. He wore a pair of black dress pants a white dress shirt, black suit overcoat and a tan trench coat. His head was tilted but there were bags under his eyes. Angels didn’t get tired, had no need to sleep so Sam knew it must have been from stress.
“You called?” Cas asked before moving over to take a seat on the bed, trying to wave it off as nothing.
Sam knew.
It took Dean a second to get his wits back together as he stared before shaking his head, bringing himself back into the now. He nodded and pointed to Sam who opened his mouth, not wanting to get in the m idle of anything before sighing and holding out the orb in his hand.
“I was given this by Raven. She said it would help me find Gabriel.” When Castiel just stared and didn’t say anything he fidgeted. “It wasn’t always red, it used to be clear, but she dropped some blood onto it and it went like that.”
The room was silent for a while longer.
“What exactly did she say?” Castiel asked in a guarded tone. “Did she tell you where she got it?”
“No, her raven gave it to her.” Sam shook his head. “She said it would lead us to Gabriel, but that I had to learn to use it on my own.” He bit his lips. “I’ve tried everything but I don’t know what it is so I can’t use it.” He looked down at it. “I asked if Gabriel was alright and she said no, what if he’s dying? What if I never… “
Castiel stood up. ”That is something called ‘The Orb of Venia’.” he walked over and held out his hand. Sam bit his lip before handing it to Castiel. “It is one of heavens weapons.” He explained. “The reason I have not answered your calls is because many of Heavens weapons have gone missing as of late, and there is a civil war going on. Raphael defies my position and wishes to end my rein, and take it himself. This is bad; if he does the Apocalypse will be on again.”
“Isn’t Venia the Latin word for Grace?” Sam asked and frowned. “How would Raven get a hold of a heavenly weapon?”
Castiel frowned. “I do not know.” he stared down at the orb before looking back at Sam. “With your permission, may I use this to hunt down who originally took it?”
“Will I get it back?” Sam looked at Cas, almost in a pleading way. “I need to find him.”
Cas stared at him before nodding. “Of course.” And with that he was gone, leaving Sam and Dean alone in the room.
Sam could feel the acid boiling in his stomach and worry clawed at his chest. He knew something was wrong with Gabriel, just not what. It scared him, to know he may never get to tell Gabriel just how much he loved him, how much he missed him. Part of him wanted to punch Gabriel, to cause him a little pain for leaving him. But he would get to that, after he found him.
It was several hours before Castiel returned. He had a split lip and his clothes were m used, but his lip was already healing and he set to adjusting his trench coat, only he wasn’t alone. A man with dirty blonde hair and hooded grey eyes stood next to him. He was about the same height as Cas, give or take a few inches and wore a grey muscle shirt with a loose black throw over-like jacket and tight black pants.
“Who’s that?” Dean asked, getting defensive and Sam wished they’d just fuck already.
“None of your business.” The man snapped and Castiel pinched the bridge of his nose.
“His name is Balthazar, he is an old friend. He…knows about the Orb and has agreed to help us.”
“You, Castiel, I agreed to help you.” Balthazar corrected and Sam could understand his frustration.
“He’s an angel isn’t he?” Sam asked and Castiel nodded before walking over and handing the orb back to him. “Thank you.” Castiel nodded with a smile and Sam clutched at it like it was his lifeline – it may very well be.
“How do you use it?” Dean asked, walking over and Sam jerked it away from his grip, not trusting him with it. “Will it lead us to Gabriel?”
“Not much is known about it, but yes, essentially that is what it’s for. As to how to use it I do not know; neither does Bal.” Castiel said before Dean could comment.
“What happened to you anyways? Why are you all, beaten up, or were at least.” Dean asked, seemingly finding the Orb no longer worth his attention.
“Raphael found me. Balthazar saved my life.” He looked at the other angel who shrugged.
Sam sighed. “Well, until we figure it out, we should go on a hunt.” Sam fidgeted. “There’s that one in Kilmichael, Mississippi.” Sam added, leaning back onto the bed and staring up at the Orb. He would figure out how to use it, he had too, until then he was better keeping himself busy.
They were driving in the Impala, just east of Kilmichael, Mississippi when it happened. It started off as something warm against his thigh and then it was an actual burning – he was pretty sure he now had a burn hole in his pocket. He hissed and pulled it out, the blood swirling like mud within the clear Orb, which was no longer completely crimson, like the blood was trying to form something. He dropped it onto the leather of the Impala and Dean had swerved them onto the side as the smell of burning leather reached their noses.
“Get that thing the fuck off my baby!” Dean snapped and Sam picked it up, ignoring the burn of his fingers as he excited out of the car, and was floored.
Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it in dew, cover it in chocolate and a miracle or two…
Sam’s head hurt, it felt like the voice was coming from inside his own mind.
Children’s laughter, the sound of gumballs clinking against each other…the smell of chocolate fudge…
It wasn’t like his visions, he had not been able to smell. No, this felt like the information was getting fed to him, from something else…the Orb…
“SAM!” he heard someone yell, Dean maybe? “Cas, get your feathery ass down here!”
Humming, smiles, laughter…happy, there was happiness and something bright, so, so bright…
“Sam, c’mon, stay with me, what’s going on, Cas? Jesus fuck, what is it doing to him?”
There was assign, a city, somewhere, somewhere in Cleburne, Texas, near Yellow Jacket Stadium…a…a candy store…
The burning in his hands stopped and he slumped into whoever was clutching him to their chest – Dean most likely – as Cas, he thought it was Cas, looked over him, while another voice said: “Fascinating, it put them right into his mind.”
He figured that was Balthazar.
“Oh yeah, real fucking interesting.” He heard his brother growl. “It didn’t like, melt his brain did it?”
“Shut up Dean.” Sam croaked, closing his eyes as his head spun. “I’m fine, just…dizzy.” He swallowed. “I…I saw something. A candy store, in Cleburne, Texas.” He coughed his throat a little dry. “That’s where he is.”
“But that’s like, in the opposite direction.” Dean said before sighing and releasing Sam, letting him slip to the ground. He groaned and stared up at the sky, his hand wrapped securely around the Orb. “How do we even know it’s Gabriel that it showed you?”
“What other angel is obsessed with candy, Dean?”
“But what would he be doing in a candy store?”
“I don’t know.” Sam yelled, irritated and then winced. “Sorry.” He closed his eyes and let out a sigh. “Please, Dean.”
His brother sighed. “Fine, but if he’s not there I so get to tell you I told you so and you get to watch my dirty underwear.”
Sam choked. “Fuck that, jerk.”
“Bitch.”
~*~*~*~
Gabriel lay out in the field, alone as Crowley and Raven talked. Raven had ended up winning – she had cheated, but they all had – and Gabriel didn’t find himself minding. Instead he wanted to focus on the soft warm breeze, never changing as it ruffled his feathers. His eyes were closed as he listened to the sounds of nature and winced when something would brush the gaps in his wings.
“A penny for your thoughts?” came a soft chuckle and he looked up, eyes meeting muddy-green eyes. Crowley, in human form, was short, but not as much as Gabriel – his vessel was vertically challenged – with shirt blackish-brown hair. He wore fashionable black suit-like outfit with a comfortable, yet still stylish, black coat.
Gabriel folded his wings towards himself, wincing slightly as some feathers caught on his clothes, bending them back. The itching had gotten worse and he just wanted to pull them out at the joints and be done with it. He wrinkled his nose as his feathers ruffled and twitched as he fought the urge to attack his wings with his nails – it was really quite ridiculous.
“Nothing, just…peaceful out-Ah!” he rolled onto his back, fed up and started to wiggle, his wings rubbing against the dirt and yeah, okay ow but at least it was fulfilling the need to itch.
“You are a moron, you know that right? You’re going to make it worse.” Crowley shoved him back onto his stomach and gently pulled out one of h is wings. Gabriel froze for a moment; eyes clenched shut as he waited for the pain, instead soft fingers carded through his feather, picking up the ones that were twisted or flipped or in disarray and placing them back into normal fashion. “You just had to ask.”
Gabriel shivered and arched his back into the feeling. The last person to touch his wings had been Sam, but Crowley had touched them before as well, when they had a thing going on. They were never really lovers, but they had great sex. He moaned as Crowley touched all those sensitive parts; some Sam had not even known about and never would – which sent him crashing back down. He closed his eyes and found himself having to force back tears.
Crowley’s fingers continued to ease the tension and pain in his wings as he groomed him, keeping quiet as Gabriel cried, his shoulders shaking. He was glad Crowley didn’t say anything, was glad Crowley just let him have this, because it had been so long since he’d cried. There was so much he needed to cry about, but most of all, he needed to cry because it felt good.
“You are such a softie Gabriel, always have been.” Crowley stated, and he didn’t sound condescending, only affectionate. “So emotional, your emotions rule your life, and it isn’t always a good thing, but it’s not a bad thing either.”
“I am not.” Gabriel sniffled and rubbed at his eye with the palms of his hands. “Just, things are messed up with my Grace all torn and ripped up like it is. Can’t help it.”
Crowley snorted and got up, ignoring Gabriel’s shouts of protest, before sitting down on his other side. “Your wings are so bloody big I can’t do them both from one side.” He scolded but it was playful, as he worked on his other feathers. Gabriel let out a low whine and he chuckled. “But there’s something more, isn’t there?”
Gabriel bit his lip. He wanted to know, wanted to know how it all went down, but he didn’t at the same time. As long as he didn’t know he could hold onto the fantasy that Sam was alive, even though he knew it wasn’t true. He didn’t know if he could handle the truth, not right now. He would lose it all, he knew that.
“Yes.” He stated simply in that ‘I’m-not-saying-anything-else’ tone. Crowley paused his fingers before continuing.
“I’m here if you need to talk Gabriel, you know that.” He whispered and Gabriel sat up, wiggling around so his head was in Crowley’s lap, his fingers tracing muscles through his pants. He felt Crowley’s fingers brushing through his hair and he closed his eyes.
“I know, I’m just not ready.” Gabriel mumbled. “Thank you though.”
“Of course Gabriel, you mark an important time in my life, and you mean a lot to me.”
“You’re such a sap.”
“Oh shut up.”
Gabriel smiled and opened his eyes before closing them again. He curled into Crowley and just relaxed, glad to have his friend here. He wished Sam could have joined them, or Cas, but he didn’t want to interrupt Cas on whatever he was doing – things in Heaven must be hell – and Sam was gone. Still, he had Raven and Crowley so things weren’t all that horrible, and maybe some of the others Goddesses and Gods would join them too.
“Can I join you guys?” Raven called and sat down before Gabriel or Crowley could answer, not that Gabriel really cared.
“What’s going on with Heaven and if you give me that I don’t know crap I will not talk to you for a very long time, I have Crowley now.” He grinned. “I know you’d find out so you could get more out of me.”
“I didn’t say anything, meus discipulos. Paranoid are we?” she chuckled softly and Gabriel levelled her with a look that only seemed to make her laugh harder before nodding. “Ask away. I do know much about the civil war taking place in heaven.”
“How is Castiel holding up?”
Raven stared at him for a moment, searching his face before leaning back. “Not as well as he could. Many angels side with Raphael at the moment and killing his brethren is taking its toll on him once more. He is discouraged with how many angels fear change.” She licked her lips. “He is getting worn down, his motivation is sucking at the sludge at the bottom of his well of will, and he is faltering.”
Gabriel winced but Raven gave him the ‘I’m-not-finished’ look.
“Also, Dean has been…hard on Cas for leaving all the time, though he seems to be getting better.” She smiled. “Balthazar is back as well, and lending his help and support to Castiel. Though he has also stolen heaven’s weapons and is bargaining them for human souls.”
Gabriel frowned, not quite sure what to make of this news. The broken shards of his Grace ached to search out his brother, to help him but they also recoiled at the thought. He realised, frantically, that part of him was scared of Castiel, even if he had done no harm to him. He shrunk back in on himself before quickly making his escape to his bedroom, locking and bring the door with the last of his strength before he collapsed onto the bed and slipped into blissful darkness.
~*~*~*~
They arrived in Cleburne, Texas sometime after midnight and since the store was obviously closed, they retired for the night. Sam found it hard to sleep, tossing and turning and even when he had fallen asleep, it was restless. Part of him had wondered what Gabriel would be doing at a candy store. Raven had said he wasn’t okay, but with the vision, or whatever that thing had been, Sam had felt happy; carefree even.
It didn’t make sense. Then again nothing in his life made sense anymore.
He woke up with an uneasy feeling in his stomach and ignored his breakfast as Dean wolfed down his food, Castiel beside him, while Balthazar sat beside Sam. The angel was watching him with searching eyes, politely ignoring the looks Dean and Cas were sharing, like he didn’t trust his own actions – Sam really didn’t either – and found Sam a great distraction.
“You are not eating, Dean has informed Castiel, insistently, and I by proxy, that humans need food.” The angel pointed out matter-of-factly - Sam winced before staring out the window, not sure what to say. “You love him then?”
Sam turned then to stare t Balthazar who gave him a knowing look, before nodding. “Yeah, I do.” He confirmed before they lapsed into silence, the only sound the scrapping of Dean’s knife and fork.
It didn’t take them long after that to make their way over to the candy shop.
Sam stepped in first, a small bell on top of the door made a soft jingling sound as he did, his eyes scanning the small shop. The walls were lined with jars and jars of candy, some home-made, some of the stuff Sam recognized from when they had been kids. He heard Dean make a sound that was somewhere between a moan and a whimper – most likely from all the candy – and he knew his brother would be no help in the search.
His eyes followed a trail of chocolates - some milk, some dark, some filled with caramel, and some filled with coconut – to the elder man behind the counter. He was whistling a happy tune as he leaned against the dark-cherry wood, his blue eyes crinkled at the edges and locked onto Sam. He wore a bulging grey sweater with a white apron that said “Mr. Dukes Candy” at the top left hand corner. And if Sam has to guess he’d figure the man was in baggy blue jeans.
He had blonde hair that had patches of grey that almost blended in and a pen was tucked behind his ear.
“Hello and welcome to Mr. Dukes Candy, how can I help you?” he asked, his voice lined with age, as he popped what looked to be a gummy bear into his mouth.
“U-Um,” he cleaned his throat, struggling with the lump lodged there. “Do…do you know someone named Gabriel?”
The man tilted his head to the side and looked up as if he could find the answer on the ceiling, but was most likely thinking before shaking his head. “I don’t think I do.” He answered, though he was staring at Sam with a searching look. “But do I know you?”
Sam shook his head. “No, I don’t think so.” Sam sighed and turned to leave, his eyes casting to the floor. If Gabriel had been here, the man would have known it; Gabriel wasn’t someone you forgot.
“Are you sure, there’s just something…something about you that seems familiar.” The old man sighed, as if this was normal to him. “Maybe you just have one of those faces.” He added on the end but Sam found it a little suspicious. Still, Gabriel wasn’t here and he was no closer to finding the archangel then he had before.
Part Two
Author:
theinsaneeraserRating: NC-17
Genre(s): Angst (when isn't there angst in my fics?) like it's going out of style, Hurt/Comfort, (light)Femmeslash, Grace/Soul!kink, Wing!Kink, unintentional Bonding,
Pairing(s): Gabriel/Sam, mild Dean/Castiel, Balthazar/Castiel(one-sided, Bal), Veronica/Alex(OFC's). Slight (only if you squint) mentions of past Crowley/Gabriel. Hinted Bobby/Crowley.
Other Character(s): Anthony Gardler (OMC), Jarl Backman (OMC), Raven. Mentions of: Lucifer.
Word Count: 16,810
Warnings: Mentions of torture, massacred Grace, angelcest, dark themes. Ignores Season six (aside from one or two things). A lot of original Characters, but there is reasons and they are needed.
Summary: With the war no longer hanging over their shoulders, everything should be going back to normal, right? No, Gabriel is still missing and with a hint from Raven will he be able to find him? Meanwhile Gabriel’s in hiding trying to recuperate from the scars his own brother has inflicted on him. Will Sam be able to find him, and if he does, will it be Gabriel he finds?
The shadows were long as the sun slowly rose from the east, casting the sky an angry red that seemed to mock him. He curled his hands into fists and leaned against the wall, looking down at his bare feet in the grass, realizing with dismay, he was cold. These were sensations he’d had trouble getting used to. It had been in this hell for good six months and he’d only gotten out now because Lucifer was gone.
He wasn’t the same.
He let out a sigh and scratched at the rash-like bruise on his left wrist where he could still feel the metal that seemed burned into his skin. Flashes of smoke, laughter and fear raced through his mind and he shook his head to be rid of them. He didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to remember; wanted to repress it. He took a deep shuddering breath and raised his shaking fingers and snapped.
This room was smoky too, but not with the harsh smell of burning flesh and coals. This room smell of cigarettes, weed and other drugs that he would have taken part of. Now though, now he did not even bat an eyelash or look twice at the half naked woman and men lounging around and laughing, or having sex and touching. Instead he walked through the crowd, trying to draw as little attention to himself as he could as he made his way to one of the darker corners of the room.
It was amazing he’d spotted her at all, but then again, he had always been able to spot his teacher. She was lounging on a blood-red couch, her long black hair flung over the armrest; black eyes trained on the raven curled into her side, feathers matching the blackness of her strapless cocktail dress. She was muttering to it in a language he still hadn’t been able to learn or understand himself, and yet it was comforting.
Anything would have been comforting after what he’d been through.
She lifted her eyes from the bird and then sat up, as if she had been startled. The raven beside her squawked and flapped its wings, obviously unhappy with being disturbed, but she paid it no attention. She sat up, throwing her legs over the side and getting to her feet. She was around the same height as he was, give or take a few inches, and she was staring at him like he was a ghost. He supposed going missing for six months could cause that reaction.
“Raven.” his voice was barely a whisper and then she was in front of him, catching him as his legs gave out. He was sure he was not the picture of beauty, wearing only a filthy white t-shirt and torn jeans, his hair matted with blood and dirt and things he’d rather not think about.
“Loki.” She sounded as worried as she looked and he was dumped onto a bed that he was sure wasn’t there a moment ago. In fact they were somewhere else completely. His head was spinning and he was having trouble concentrating so he wasn’t sure. “What happened to you? Where have you been?”
“Don’t…I can’t…” he crunched his eyes shut as he worked on breathing and not passing out as panic overtook him.
“Loki, stay with me, what’s wrong.” She gripped his arm tighter and it hurt. He was pretty sure he whimpered. “Gabriel.”
“It hurts, it all hurts.” Gabriel shivered because he was cold. Everything was cold. He could not warm up, and his Grace was not emitting the heat he so desperately needed.
“What happened?” Raven pressed as she flicked her wrist, muttering something under her breath, and then there was a basin beside the bed where the nightstand used to be. She grabbed a wash cloth and dipped it into the steaming water, before wiped at his face, causing him to have to close his eyes. “Why are you not healing?”
Gabriel didn’t answer. He just tried to relax under the soft strokes of the cloth on his skin, as the six months worth of grime, dirt, blood and unspeakable things just washed away. He felt like he was being reborn, as though the past had never happened and he could feel himself starting to recede into his mind, into the place where he would be safe, safe from everything.
“Loki, you can tell me, I will not judge, nor will I shun you away. You are my pupil.” She said this with such sincerity that Gabriel knew it had to be true, but he did not have the will to speak. Not yet, anyway, and right now he needed the small comforts.
“Well, someone has grown up in the last six months.” Gabriel tried to joke, his voice a little hoarse, his tone a little flat.
“Someone has had to play mediator while you’ve been away. I do not know how you did it; it’s made me…change.” Raven paused before placing a hand on his chest. “Can I remove your shirt?”
“Why are you asking?” Gabriel asked, opening one eye to see Raven giving him a serious look and he sighed. “Yes.” He just wished things could be normal, but he understood why she was asking
“You ready to tell me what happened or are you going to continue to be a stubborn angel?” she asked, replacing the grimy cloth into the water, that didn’t soil, picking the cloth – now clean again – and placing it against his chest. She worked in soft, soothing circles and the warmth of the water calmed him.
“I’m not sure.” He replied, his eyes closed, not in sleep – though he desperately wished for it – but in relaxation as he let her cleanse him.
“Why haven’t you healed yourself Gabriel?” she whispered and he winced when she hit some of the cuts, scrapes and wounds that littered his chest and still stung.
“I can’t.”
“You can’t?”
The soft strokes on his chest had stopped and he stared back up into Raven’s eyes as she stared down at her, wetness trailing down her cheeks in what Gabriel recognized as tears. He’d never seen Raven cry, and suddenly he felt guilty for making those tears fall.
“Raven…”
She placed a hand to his lips and shook her head. She continued to wash off the dirt and Gabriel lapsed in silence, the only sound was the slosh of water when the cloth was washed. He closed his eyes, wondering if now would be a good time to sleep, but knew it wouldn’t come. The nightmares, of smoke, pain and laughter were too overwhelming.
He opened an eye when the cloth had disappeared for longer then a few moments and blinked when he saw Raven lay down, placing her head on his chest, taking his hand in hers. They used to do this, when the scars of his brothers fighting had been raw and painful. They were never lovers - Raven was too much like a mother, a teacher – but it was moments like these that made Gabriel remember why Raven had meant the world to him.
“I know you do not wish to tell me what happened, Gabriel, and you are healed now as well. “ As she said this he noticed he did not ache as he had before. “But one day you will, and I hope that day is soon, not until after you rest of course.”
“How do you know I need sleep?”
“I can see it in your eyes.” She stared up at him. “And I can hear it in your heartbeat, meus discipulos.”
Gabriel shivered at the use of his old nickname, the one he had hated so much, but now brought him reassurance. “Thank you.” he whispered, already slipping off.
“Good night, Gabriel, and sweet dreams.”
Gabriel woke up to the sun in his eyes.
He groaned and covered his face, rolling over into the pile of plush pillows, tugging at the sheets and pulling them over his head to block out the unwelcome light. He had not dreamed; there had been only blissful darkness, and yet a tug, a tug of something in the tattered remains of his Grace. He ignored it and too refuge in the comfort of the small nest-like thing under him – it needed work, but it wasn’t so bad.
He was pretty sure Raven had made it, for comfort. It was better then her last attempts – she had learned – and he smiled, closing his eyes…before the memories of why he was like this came flooding back and he winced, curling in on himself slightly. He tugged the sheets closer around himself and stared at the blue of the sheets, a navy color with the lack of light, with some brighter hues where the sun was a bit stronger.
He heard footsteps and had to remind himself he was there with Raven, to keep himself from bolting. Not that he could have gone anywhere with his Grace like this, and his wings a heavy, dead weight on his back, itching and burning in some places where he knew new feathers were growing in from where they’d been torn out.
He listened to the click of heels as they walked around the bed and then the whole blanket seemed to illuminate – she must have opened the curtains – before the side of the bed sank. She did not say anything, just sat there as if waiting for Gabriel to make the first move. He bit his bottom lip and turned his head a little before letting out a breath.
“Pancakes.” He said softly. “Chocolate-strawberry pancakes, with lots of syrup, maple syrup – the Canadian stuff.”
There was a soft chuckle and he could imagine Raven shaking her head, before he was once again blinded by the light as Raven pulled the sheet from over his head.
“I am not your maid, Gabriel, you can come get them yourself.” She rolled her eyes, letting her fingers trail across his cheek before leaving the room.
Gabriel lay in bed. How long he had been there, he wasn’t exactly sure. His stomach was protesting his laziness, but he finally sighed and swung his legs over the side. He waited a few moments to see if Raven was coming – which she apparently was not– before placing his feet down on the- thankfully-warm floor and stalking out of the room.
The bedroom was attached to the living room, which was furnished in only a couch and TV, with an empty stand. There was a ceiling light but nothing else, and the room was dark green with a blue carpet that tickled his feet. There was a door leading to the kitchen, and he could hear Raven inside, to a balcony which overlooked a huge field with a lone tree. He did not know where they were; only that he was thankful.
He realised this place must have been a palace or a hotel, but they were the only occupants. He could still tell with his Grace, it was chopped not completely gone.
“Is it to your liking?” Raven’s cheerful voice called from the kitchen and Gabriel padded over to the balcony, throwing a “yes” over his shoulder.
He stepped out onto the balcony and was hit with a burst of warm air that smelled faintly of wild raspberries. He shivered, not from the cold, and gripped the railing, staring down. They were at least four floors up and it made for a nice fall. Part of him wondered if he would die if he stepped out, with his Grace in the state it was, and part of him wondered why he did not just do it. He bit his lip and tried to push those thoughts away, white-knuckling the marble and took a deep breath to center himself.
“Everything alright?” Raven suddenly asked from behind him and he jumped, turning around to see her taking a step back, hands up. “I’m sorry; I thought you knew I was here.”
Gabriel shook his head and turned around again. “It’s alright.” He whispered and stared back out at the field, the wind tickling the small hairs on the back of his neck he’d never noticed before. “So, is this someplace like the one Dionysus trapped us in before?”
“Yes, I thought it was best for you to get away for a while.”
“So, am I confined to the palace, or can I explore the field?”
“You can explore the field, of course; I remember how easily you get bored.” Raven chuckled and leaned against the railing, her leg bent at the knee, her foot resting against the side of the railing, her elbows resting on top of it.
“Can I leave?”
“Of course you can.” Raven frowned. “I’d never keep you against your will.”
“Unless it was for my own good.”
“Exactly, so stop asking stupid questions.” She pushed off and made her way towards the door. “Now, come and eat your damn pancakes, it has been a while since I’ve cooked.”
“You cooked them, by hand?” he raised an eyebrow and she nodded. “I don’t know if I want them now, I don’t want to be poisoned.”
“Oh you little sus.” Raven hissed softly and Gabriel grinned.
It was the first grin or genuine smile he had cracked since he’d last seen Sam.
He felt the grin fade from his face as he remembered the Winchester he had left behind. He should not have left, he knew that. He had probably pushed the hunter into saying yes, which wasn’t something he’d wanted. He had wanted to stay with Sam, but he was a damn coward, and he ran, scared of what had been growing between them, scared of his own feelings.
The funny thing was, if he had stayed with him he probably wouldn’t have had to endure what he had.
“You alright?”
He looked up to find Raven staring at him with worried eyes and he nodded.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Liar.” Was all she said before she disappeared back into the room, and he blinked before following after her.
“Okay, I’m not alright, I’m fucked up and the shit that happened was messed up.” He forced out and when she didn’t say anything he clenched his fist. “What do you want to hear? You want to hear how my brother tortured me, trying to get me to turn on the guy I loved?”
“I want to know what happened.” She replied softly and placed the plate with his pancakes on the table.
“I’ll tell you, if you tell me what happened with the war.”
“What makes you think that I kept up with the Judeo-Christian Apocalypse?”
Gabriel stared at her. “Because it’s you,” he said and sat down. “Plus you’re worse then a mother hen, you’d be snooping around for information on me.”
Raven chuckled and nodded. “Alright, I do know some things.”
Gabriel nodded and sat down, grabbing the fork. “Did they lock Lucifer back in the cage?” he asked, shoving a forkful of – ohmyfather – the best pancakes he’d ever tasted.
“Yes, they did. It was troublesome, and they almost didn’t do it, but they pulled it off.” Raven reclined in her chair. “Castiel Molotov’d Michael, and of course got exploded, but he was revived a second time by your father with an upgrade.” Gabriel blinked before opening his mouth but she held up a finger. “Your turn. What happened to your Grace?”
Gabriel bit his lip and took another fork-full of pancakes, chewing slowly.
The air in the room was smoky and thick making it hard to breathe – not that he needed too, but it was heavy on his chest, making his already cramped vessel feel more constricting – and made his vessels eyes water. There was the smell of sulphur and brimstone in the air was giving him a headache, as the shackled attached to his wrist, craved with Enochian sigils to prevent his escape, cut into his vessels flesh.
He could hear his brother approach, footsteps matching the throb in his muscles and in the blood of his veins, which pounded over the many cuts on his chest from a whip or knife. His broken lip – split from the many backhands and punches for his back-talking – stung as blood dribbled down his chin and he was pretty sure he had a black eye, but still he refused to give Lucifer what he wanted, refused to give up.
“Good morning. little brother.” Came Lucifer’s voice and Gabriel lifted his head to stare at the brother he’d once loved, trusted and was now the cause of his pain. It was funny, because Lucifer had gone through the same thing with Michael, you would think he would be coddling Gabriel instead of torturing him.
“Can’t say it’s very good.” Gabriel snorted. “Or that I knew it was morning, what with the lack of windows and thick smoke.”
Lucifer let out a heavy sigh and placed a finger under his chin. “Why must you be so stubborn?”
“Wonder why this feels so familiar? Oh, right, Michael said the same thing to you before you two started this fucked up war.” That earned him a backhand.
“You will not speak of what you do not understand.” Lucifer snapped before his face softened and he placed a kiss to Gabriel forehead. “Please little brother, just join me; help me. I only want what is ours.”
“But it’s not ours.” Gabriel explain calmly. “It’s there, weather we like it or not, and really Humans aren’t that bad.”
Lucifer let out another heavy sigh. “I am sorry that you feel this way little brother, as I am sorry for what I must do, but you must be made to see the truth, accept this.”
Gabriel closed his eyes and braced himself for what came.
That didn’t make him any more ready for what Lucifer was doing.
Imagine someone ripping through your skin with their bare hands and gripping your muscles, ignore the fact that nerves would be damaged, imagine you could feel all this as they rip the muscle right off your bones; slowly. Imagine that while being kicked in the balls with steel toed boots and being stabbed in the chest with a dull spoon. That was maybe a fraction of the pain Gabriel was in as he felt Lucifer’s fingers dig into his grace and rip out a chunk of it out.
His throat was well raw by the time the Grace was pulled past his vessel and dropped to the floor where it shone, flickered and died. Still, he screamed, because the pain in his throat was nothing compared to the agony in his Grace.
Tears rolled down his cheeks, which Lucifer wiped away with the pad of his thumb, whispering soft reassurances in his ear – they meant nothing too him. He took a few more shuddering breaths before the pain eased to a throbbing and Lucifer’s comforting hand slipped away. He didn’t care; his eyes were trained on the spot on the ground where a pile of feather-shaped burnt marks rested.
“I am sorry, little brother.” Lucifer whispered in his ear and then the pain was back as Lucifer gripped onto another piece, tearing it out and letting it drop to the floor, only this time he didn’t pause, he grabbed at another, not giving him any time to rest, to adjust.
Gabriel had no voice, his mouth open in a silent scream and Lucifer repeated this over and over and over again, creating rips and holes in his Grace, leaving him feeling incomplete, shattered; disgusting.
“I will let you dwell on this little brother.” His tone was soft and loving.
Gabriel wanted to rip his throat out.
Raven stared at Gabriel, tears in her eyes as she stood up and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a tight embrace. He clung to her and closed his eyes, burying his face in her neck as he felt Tears slid down his own cheeks. He knew he was safe here, with Raven, away from everything. He’d go back, someday, when he could find it in him to do it anyways.
“I have to leave for a bit, but I think you should take a nap. There are no dreams here. Your sleep will always be peaceful.” She whispered but he was reluctant to let him go. “I won’t be long, I promise, only you and I can enter this place, unless you wish for me to get someone for you.”
He almost asked for her to get Sam, but he was either dead or in the pit, so he bit his lip and nodded. He would ask her more about the war later. Right now that nap sounded like heaven right now.
The war had ended and they had won. Sam had contemplated saying yes to Lucifer, to trick him back into the box but Dean had continued to tell him no. And normally he would not have listened; it was not like he had a good track record on being the doting little brother. There was just something in Dean’s eyes, how tired he looked, how on edge and ready to give in.
Sam hated it.
So, they had gotten there, and he had drank the blood needed. Cas had said goodbye - even with what had happened when Dionysus had trapped them in that place, they still had not asked each other out - and he had been ready to say yes. He looked at Lucifer, and then at Dean who was staring anywhere but him, shoulders slumped like the world was not worth it anymore. He found he couldn’t do it, could not be the last brick that broke his brother’s back.
He knew it changed things, when he told Lucifer no, that no matter what he said, no matter how much he wanted it; Sam would never say yes. Because yeah, Dean was a pain in the ass, he liked to bug the shit out of him, call him names and refer to him as a girl. Sure, Dean had done some stupid things and lost all faith in him. Yes, Sam had betrayed him and set Lucifer free but he had not done it because he wanted to.
He had been deceived, tricked into it.
He had always wanted to do something good with his powers, his gift; his curse, for something meaningful. Sure, he had gone about it the wrong way and he should have seen through Ruby’s lies, should have known she was leading him down a wrong path. But she had used his weakness, the want to be good, to not be a freak and his pain over Dean’s death; his want for revenge, and used it against him.
“If there is one thing I learned from all this, from someone very dear to me,” he had said, staring Lucifer in the eyes, “it’s that sometimes, you just have to let go.”
He remembered the look on Lucifer’s face, remembered the way that a small, small flash of sadness crossed his haunted eyes before he was gone, leaving him and Dean alone. He also remembered the way Dean looked at him, like he had before and then there was a hug and Dean had thanked him.
“Sam, would you turn that awful music off!” Dean snapped fumbling for the radio dial. “I leave you and my baby alone for five minutes and you’re already fucking with her.”
Sam rolled his eyes and lowered the top of his lap top, hiding its contents from view. Really, Dean could be so immature and you would think finally choosing the right path, and not saying yes to Lucifer would earn him some free time alone with his own music. But no, ever since Cas had left to go check some stuff out in Heaven, Dean had been a bitchy little girl, and Sam was left dealing with him.
Truth was, Sam was looking for anything that might appear to be Gabriel-ish. Because yes, he missed the Archangel-trickster and now that the war was over, maybe he could convince him to come back. Sam had been hurt when Gabe had left, and he had sulked around for awhile. It was one of the reasons he’d considered saying yes, but in the end he couldn’t do it; not to Dean and not to Gabriel because Gabriel did not want it.
Not anymore.
But there was no sign of the Archangel and something in Sam’s gut told him this was bad, like part of him knew something was wrong but Dean would just call him a giant girl and Cas wasn’t around to talk to. So he suffered in silence as he waited for any sign, and clue as to where Gabriel was.
“Sammy, you alright? You look depressed.” Dean commented and Sam blinked looking up at him before shaking his head with a small smile.
“No, no, it’s alright.” He opened his lap top again. “So I was searching around and there may be a hunt down in Kilmichael, Mississippi.” Sam yawned, bringing up the page with the information. “There have been seven murders, all children. There is no actual evidence of their death, as the bodies are missing, but their rooms are all blood splattered and the beds soaked with it.”
“Oh, that’s just sick.” Dean groaned.
“I know, the blood is the best part. Though children are usually too sweet, so full of sugar.” A voice called and Sam’s head whipped to the windshield.
Raven was sitting upon the hood of the car, legs crossed and he was leaning back, like she had been there the whole time. She was smiling at Sam, before sliding off and walking around to his window – which he rolled down – she leaned against the door and stared at her with those black irises, it was a little creepily.
“Long time no see, Winchesters.”
“What are you doing here?” Dean snapped, grabbing for his dagger.
“I am here to speak to your brother.” She looked at Sam who blinked and opened his mouth, but shut it as she raised her hand. “Yes, this is about Gabriel.”
Sam had the door open and was out at lightening speed. He knew if Raven was a human he would have knocked her over, but she just gracefully stepped back, arms crossed as a raven landed on her shoulder. She stared at him with serious eyes and Sam’s stomach dropped into his legs.
“Is…is he alright?” Sam choked out.
“No.” she stated, blandly (bluntly?), before she held out her hand.
Sam had not noticed it before, but he did now, that Raven was carrying a small glass sphere. The Raven released it into Raven’s hand and she looked it over, pricking her finger and letting a drop of blood fall onto the clear sphere. The blood sank into it, spreading like it would if it had hit water before she handed it out to him.
“What is it?” Sam blinked, taking it hesitantly and watched as the orb soaked up all the blood, tinting it crimson. He held it up to the light and almost dropped it as it caught the sun, half blinding him.
“It will lead you to Gabriel.” She said and his eyes went wide. “When you learn to use it, that is.” He frowned and she smiled, almost a bit bitterly. “You have to figure it out on your own.” And then she was gone.
“What the fuck was that all about?” Dean asked looking over Sam’s shoulder and down at the orb in his hand.
“I don’t know.”
Gabriel sat in the tree that was in full bloom, munching on an apple he had made sure was free of worms first. It was calm out here in the field, and although he’d debated it, the inviting warm freeze and open space had been to temping to give up. Raven had gone and although he knew she’d be back soon and that he was safe here, he’d rather be in the open where he could run if he needed too. He was paranoid, he knew that, but who could blame him?
He was still barefoot, with the cuffs of his jeans swaying back and forth as he kicked his feet, so much like a child. He took another bite out of the juicy apple, some of its juice spilling down his chin, which he swiped back up with his tongue. His wings were out, curling around the branches of the tree. They were tinted slightly purple and there was patched where feathers looked like they had been ripped out, others were twisted and curled in the wrong way, which was irritating but he ignored it.
He had learned to ignore a lot of things.
Still, aside from the itch and twinge it wasn’t very painful and although his Grace throbbed and ached and pulled towards the other pieces of himself he couldn’t reach, he didn’t have very many scars. Not on the surface, he was still having problems coming to terms with what Lucifer had done to him. Part of him wanted to believe it was just a dream, to believe his brother would not be able to hurt him in such a way, but here was the aftermath to prove him wrong.
It made him angry.
He sighed and finished off the apple, tossing it behind him, only to have it come back at him with a soft hiss. He blinked and tilted his head back, his jaw loosening slightly as he was met with scales and a forked tongue. He blinked, tilted his head before fiddling in the tree, trying to contort his wings to the new position as he turned around to meet the face of the snake that seemed to be sharing the branch with him.
It was a python, who was looking at him with an annoyed look.
“Crowley?” he asked and the snake shook his head.
“Yessss Gabriel.” He hissed softly. “I do not appreciate being hit on the head with apple coressss.”
“Well, I didn’t know you where there.” He narrowed his eyes. “What are you doing here anyways, Raven said no one could come unless invited.”
“Yessss, that issss correct. Ssshe invited me.” Crowley coiled up his arm to drape around his shoulders. “I heard you were here and wisssshed to ssssee you.”
“How much has she told you?” Gabriel asked a little nervous. It was not that he didn’t trust the demon, they were best friends, but he didn’t want everyone knowing what had happened to him. Though, with his wings in this shape even if Raven hadn’t told him anything he would ask and pester until Gabriel folded.
“Sssshe told me to asssk you.” his tongue tickled the side of his neck. “Do you wisssh to talk about it?”
“Not…not yet.” Gabriel admitted and brushed his cheek over the slick scales of Crowley’s head. “I will, just not yet.”
“Alright.”
“Thank you.”
“Of coursssse.”
By the time Raven arrived back, Gabriel was curled up in the couch, a blanket thrown over himself as Crowley draped over the back of the couch, his tail flicking and wrapping in the blanket, tugging it playfully. Gabriel would swat at him half-heartedly as he sorted out cards, putting them under pictures and Crowley threw in some commentary every now and then. The commentary would either make Gabriel chuckle or scowl.
“Looks like you boys are having fun.” Raven teased coming to kneel next to the table as Gabriel placed a card that said: “Trick 4,381 – Making the London Bridge disappear, cars and all, for about two hours.” Under the picture showed Gabriel making a peace sign with his fingers from atop the London Bridge.
“Reminissscing in old timessss.” Crowley hissed softly as he bobbed his head back and both with some laughter. “I remember that trick.” He pointed to the card in Gabriel’s hand with his tail. “I helped you with that one.”
“Oh, which one?” Raven asked as she pushed up on hr legs, trying to peek over Gabriel’s arms.
“The one where we caused Muta so much trouble that we actually got her to talk.” Gabriel grinned. “What was it that eventually got her to speak?”
“I do believe it wasss those magpiessss you ssssent after her, the onesss that did not dissssssapear no matter what sssshe tried. I believe ssshe called ussss ‘horrid howler monkeysss with nothing better to do with our then pesssster innocent Goddessssss’.” The chuckle-hiss would have been impressive if he hadn’t heard Crowley do so many times before.
“You two really don’t have anything better to do?” Raven watched as Gabriel placed it next to a picture of Crowley and Gabriel running while being chased by a cloaked Goddess.
“Like you don’t cause mayhem.” Gabriel snorted, feeling a little more like himself. “I learned it all from you.”
Raven smiled and shook her head, her hair wobbling back and forth. “That you did, didn’t you.” It wasn’t a question but a fond statement.
“What about the Tokyo Trick?” Crowley asked, sliding down to curl up on Gabriel’s stomach.
“I though we agreed to never talk about that again.” Gabriel glared down at Crowley who chuckled and shook his head, coiling into a tight spiral and laid his chin atop his tail.
“Raven hasss that ‘I want to asssk you ssssomething’ look.”
Gabriel turned his attention to Raven who had an eyebrow raised but sat back down, legs tucked neatly under her as she placed her hands in her lap. Gabriel knew this was going to be one her serious talks which meant she wanted to talk more about what had happened to him while he was in Lucifer’s care. It also meant he would find out more about the war, and though the one question nagged at him, he ignored it.
“Were there anymore deaths aside from Cas’?” Gabriel fidgeted, because this could be where Raven told him Sam was gone, dead.
Raven nodded and Gabriel felt his stomach bottom out and he had unconsciously reached out to start petting Crowley’s scales. It was something that soothed him, and Crowley never minded, he pretty much enjoyed it. Though, if it had been anyone but him he was pretty sure Crowley would have bitten them.
“It was Bobby Singer, if you must know.” Gabriel swore Crowley stiffened under him. “Castiel brought him back though. Right before he left, Dean wasn’t too impressed about that.”
“So Cas and Dean still haven’t gotten together?”
“Those are two questions, Gabriel.”
Gabriel gritted his teeth and mumbled under his breath, deflating. Though he was pretty sure he already knew the answer – no, of course they wouldn’t – it bugged him. He was sure they would have gotten together by now. They really could not have been that stupid.
Okay, yes, they could.
“I know you wish to avoid the topic Gabriel. That you don’t want to think about it, but it will help.”
Gabriel sighed and tilted his head back, staring at the ceiling as he licked his lips nervously. He didn’t want to touch this topic with a ten foot poll, he was happy thinking about anything else, trying to forget it ever happened. He wanted to run away from his own memories – he was so good at running – but he knew Raven wouldn’t let him. He’d run away from home and although she couldn’t change that, she had built him into something different, given him a purpose so he didn’t drown in his own self-pity.
But she wouldn’t let him run this time.
Gabriel stared down at the floor, his eyes closed against the stinging welts that
were fresh from today’s whipping. He was able to block out the pain more now, it didn’t bother him as much as it had before and part of him laughed at how proud Michael would be of him, for being so strong. It made him sick to his stomach, but still he faced each new meeting with his older brother with a witty retort that would end with a backhand.
It was proof he wasn’t broken.
But the worst part...the worst part was when Lucifer would come in with his basin of warm water. When he’d run the cloth soothingly – lovingly – across his wounds and the gunk collecting on his vessel, cleaning and nurturing him. It was the soft reassuring whispers that reminded him of times before the wars, before Lucifer and Michael drove each other apart, drove their family apart.
Those where the worst, because it was then when he saw just how far gone his brother was, how twisted he’d become. Because he thought doing this, hurting him was okay that as long as it serviced a good purpose – or what he thought was a good porpoise – that it wasn’t wrong. It sent shivers down his spine and made his Grace recoil deep inside him. That would anger him more times than not and he had become angry, violent but he preferred that to the nurturing.
He could be angry with him, hate him, as long as he did not act like the old him.
“…Even though I knew all this, I still couldn’t truly hate him…not until, even then. I knew what he was going to do, and it was wrong but I still couldn’t hate him.” Gabriel whispered.
Raven smacked him upside the head, the same time as Crowley swatted his nose with his tail. Gabriel flinched; not in fear but Raven hit hard when she was scolding him – always treating him like a child – and this time was no different.
“There is nothing wrong with loving your family, even if they are fucked up, Gabriel.” Raven shook her head. “They are family, no matter what. It’s just how it is, just as we are your family as well.” she leaned down and kissed his forehead. “Now, enough suffering in the past, lets do something to lighten the mood.”
“I sssay we play ssstrip poker.”
“You don’t have clothes on you dolt, so unless you change back to human form we aren’t
playing strip poker.” Raven countered.
“Strip poker is boring, Crowley go back to your human form, we are playing Strip UNO!” he smiled, latching onto the change of subject like superglue, though still in the back of his mind brewed a darkness that threatened to engulf him.
Sam had tried just about everything to get the stupid orb to work.
He had pricked his finger, but the blood had only rolled off it like normal water would. He had also held it in his hands and wished for it to lead him to Gabriel. Nothing, after he’d tried Dean had taken it from his grip – Sam almost growled – and had said: “Is Gabriel alive?” and then shook it - like you would a magic 8 ball - looking down. Sam’s eyes had gone wide when a triangle block had risen to the surface and then busted out laughing as he read what it said.
You've got an IQ of two. Pity it takes three to grunt.
Dean grumbled and if Sam had not grabbed the orb from him, he would have smashed it against the wall. Still, this left him no closer to finding out how to use it or what it was for then he had been before. He was frustrated and sighed. He knew they should call Cas, but calling Cas would mean he would not answer and Dean would be in an even more foul mood.
“I’m calling Cas.” Dean said, standing up and Sam groaned because he’d been hoping he wouldn’t.
“We’ve tried before, I think he’s avoiding us, or maybe he’d busy. Not everyone’s going to be happy with him being in charge you know.” Sam stared down at the orb.
“Cas!” Dean yelled and Sam flinched a little. “Sam’s boyfriend is in trouble or something!” He crossed his arms. “You know, Gabriel, your brother, Raven gave us this or-” he stopped and Sam turned his head to the left where a man now stood.
He was about the same height as Dean, give or take a few inches with short black hair and piercing blue eyes. He wore a pair of black dress pants a white dress shirt, black suit overcoat and a tan trench coat. His head was tilted but there were bags under his eyes. Angels didn’t get tired, had no need to sleep so Sam knew it must have been from stress.
“You called?” Cas asked before moving over to take a seat on the bed, trying to wave it off as nothing.
Sam knew.
It took Dean a second to get his wits back together as he stared before shaking his head, bringing himself back into the now. He nodded and pointed to Sam who opened his mouth, not wanting to get in the m idle of anything before sighing and holding out the orb in his hand.
“I was given this by Raven. She said it would help me find Gabriel.” When Castiel just stared and didn’t say anything he fidgeted. “It wasn’t always red, it used to be clear, but she dropped some blood onto it and it went like that.”
The room was silent for a while longer.
“What exactly did she say?” Castiel asked in a guarded tone. “Did she tell you where she got it?”
“No, her raven gave it to her.” Sam shook his head. “She said it would lead us to Gabriel, but that I had to learn to use it on my own.” He bit his lips. “I’ve tried everything but I don’t know what it is so I can’t use it.” He looked down at it. “I asked if Gabriel was alright and she said no, what if he’s dying? What if I never… “
Castiel stood up. ”That is something called ‘The Orb of Venia’.” he walked over and held out his hand. Sam bit his lip before handing it to Castiel. “It is one of heavens weapons.” He explained. “The reason I have not answered your calls is because many of Heavens weapons have gone missing as of late, and there is a civil war going on. Raphael defies my position and wishes to end my rein, and take it himself. This is bad; if he does the Apocalypse will be on again.”
“Isn’t Venia the Latin word for Grace?” Sam asked and frowned. “How would Raven get a hold of a heavenly weapon?”
Castiel frowned. “I do not know.” he stared down at the orb before looking back at Sam. “With your permission, may I use this to hunt down who originally took it?”
“Will I get it back?” Sam looked at Cas, almost in a pleading way. “I need to find him.”
Cas stared at him before nodding. “Of course.” And with that he was gone, leaving Sam and Dean alone in the room.
Sam could feel the acid boiling in his stomach and worry clawed at his chest. He knew something was wrong with Gabriel, just not what. It scared him, to know he may never get to tell Gabriel just how much he loved him, how much he missed him. Part of him wanted to punch Gabriel, to cause him a little pain for leaving him. But he would get to that, after he found him.
It was several hours before Castiel returned. He had a split lip and his clothes were m used, but his lip was already healing and he set to adjusting his trench coat, only he wasn’t alone. A man with dirty blonde hair and hooded grey eyes stood next to him. He was about the same height as Cas, give or take a few inches and wore a grey muscle shirt with a loose black throw over-like jacket and tight black pants.
“Who’s that?” Dean asked, getting defensive and Sam wished they’d just fuck already.
“None of your business.” The man snapped and Castiel pinched the bridge of his nose.
“His name is Balthazar, he is an old friend. He…knows about the Orb and has agreed to help us.”
“You, Castiel, I agreed to help you.” Balthazar corrected and Sam could understand his frustration.
“He’s an angel isn’t he?” Sam asked and Castiel nodded before walking over and handing the orb back to him. “Thank you.” Castiel nodded with a smile and Sam clutched at it like it was his lifeline – it may very well be.
“How do you use it?” Dean asked, walking over and Sam jerked it away from his grip, not trusting him with it. “Will it lead us to Gabriel?”
“Not much is known about it, but yes, essentially that is what it’s for. As to how to use it I do not know; neither does Bal.” Castiel said before Dean could comment.
“What happened to you anyways? Why are you all, beaten up, or were at least.” Dean asked, seemingly finding the Orb no longer worth his attention.
“Raphael found me. Balthazar saved my life.” He looked at the other angel who shrugged.
Sam sighed. “Well, until we figure it out, we should go on a hunt.” Sam fidgeted. “There’s that one in Kilmichael, Mississippi.” Sam added, leaning back onto the bed and staring up at the Orb. He would figure out how to use it, he had too, until then he was better keeping himself busy.
They were driving in the Impala, just east of Kilmichael, Mississippi when it happened. It started off as something warm against his thigh and then it was an actual burning – he was pretty sure he now had a burn hole in his pocket. He hissed and pulled it out, the blood swirling like mud within the clear Orb, which was no longer completely crimson, like the blood was trying to form something. He dropped it onto the leather of the Impala and Dean had swerved them onto the side as the smell of burning leather reached their noses.
“Get that thing the fuck off my baby!” Dean snapped and Sam picked it up, ignoring the burn of his fingers as he excited out of the car, and was floored.
Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it in dew, cover it in chocolate and a miracle or two…
Sam’s head hurt, it felt like the voice was coming from inside his own mind.
Children’s laughter, the sound of gumballs clinking against each other…the smell of chocolate fudge…
It wasn’t like his visions, he had not been able to smell. No, this felt like the information was getting fed to him, from something else…the Orb…
“SAM!” he heard someone yell, Dean maybe? “Cas, get your feathery ass down here!”
Humming, smiles, laughter…happy, there was happiness and something bright, so, so bright…
“Sam, c’mon, stay with me, what’s going on, Cas? Jesus fuck, what is it doing to him?”
There was assign, a city, somewhere, somewhere in Cleburne, Texas, near Yellow Jacket Stadium…a…a candy store…
The burning in his hands stopped and he slumped into whoever was clutching him to their chest – Dean most likely – as Cas, he thought it was Cas, looked over him, while another voice said: “Fascinating, it put them right into his mind.”
He figured that was Balthazar.
“Oh yeah, real fucking interesting.” He heard his brother growl. “It didn’t like, melt his brain did it?”
“Shut up Dean.” Sam croaked, closing his eyes as his head spun. “I’m fine, just…dizzy.” He swallowed. “I…I saw something. A candy store, in Cleburne, Texas.” He coughed his throat a little dry. “That’s where he is.”
“But that’s like, in the opposite direction.” Dean said before sighing and releasing Sam, letting him slip to the ground. He groaned and stared up at the sky, his hand wrapped securely around the Orb. “How do we even know it’s Gabriel that it showed you?”
“What other angel is obsessed with candy, Dean?”
“But what would he be doing in a candy store?”
“I don’t know.” Sam yelled, irritated and then winced. “Sorry.” He closed his eyes and let out a sigh. “Please, Dean.”
His brother sighed. “Fine, but if he’s not there I so get to tell you I told you so and you get to watch my dirty underwear.”
Sam choked. “Fuck that, jerk.”
“Bitch.”
Gabriel lay out in the field, alone as Crowley and Raven talked. Raven had ended up winning – she had cheated, but they all had – and Gabriel didn’t find himself minding. Instead he wanted to focus on the soft warm breeze, never changing as it ruffled his feathers. His eyes were closed as he listened to the sounds of nature and winced when something would brush the gaps in his wings.
“A penny for your thoughts?” came a soft chuckle and he looked up, eyes meeting muddy-green eyes. Crowley, in human form, was short, but not as much as Gabriel – his vessel was vertically challenged – with shirt blackish-brown hair. He wore fashionable black suit-like outfit with a comfortable, yet still stylish, black coat.
Gabriel folded his wings towards himself, wincing slightly as some feathers caught on his clothes, bending them back. The itching had gotten worse and he just wanted to pull them out at the joints and be done with it. He wrinkled his nose as his feathers ruffled and twitched as he fought the urge to attack his wings with his nails – it was really quite ridiculous.
“Nothing, just…peaceful out-Ah!” he rolled onto his back, fed up and started to wiggle, his wings rubbing against the dirt and yeah, okay ow but at least it was fulfilling the need to itch.
“You are a moron, you know that right? You’re going to make it worse.” Crowley shoved him back onto his stomach and gently pulled out one of h is wings. Gabriel froze for a moment; eyes clenched shut as he waited for the pain, instead soft fingers carded through his feather, picking up the ones that were twisted or flipped or in disarray and placing them back into normal fashion. “You just had to ask.”
Gabriel shivered and arched his back into the feeling. The last person to touch his wings had been Sam, but Crowley had touched them before as well, when they had a thing going on. They were never really lovers, but they had great sex. He moaned as Crowley touched all those sensitive parts; some Sam had not even known about and never would – which sent him crashing back down. He closed his eyes and found himself having to force back tears.
Crowley’s fingers continued to ease the tension and pain in his wings as he groomed him, keeping quiet as Gabriel cried, his shoulders shaking. He was glad Crowley didn’t say anything, was glad Crowley just let him have this, because it had been so long since he’d cried. There was so much he needed to cry about, but most of all, he needed to cry because it felt good.
“You are such a softie Gabriel, always have been.” Crowley stated, and he didn’t sound condescending, only affectionate. “So emotional, your emotions rule your life, and it isn’t always a good thing, but it’s not a bad thing either.”
“I am not.” Gabriel sniffled and rubbed at his eye with the palms of his hands. “Just, things are messed up with my Grace all torn and ripped up like it is. Can’t help it.”
Crowley snorted and got up, ignoring Gabriel’s shouts of protest, before sitting down on his other side. “Your wings are so bloody big I can’t do them both from one side.” He scolded but it was playful, as he worked on his other feathers. Gabriel let out a low whine and he chuckled. “But there’s something more, isn’t there?”
Gabriel bit his lip. He wanted to know, wanted to know how it all went down, but he didn’t at the same time. As long as he didn’t know he could hold onto the fantasy that Sam was alive, even though he knew it wasn’t true. He didn’t know if he could handle the truth, not right now. He would lose it all, he knew that.
“Yes.” He stated simply in that ‘I’m-not-saying-anything-else’ tone. Crowley paused his fingers before continuing.
“I’m here if you need to talk Gabriel, you know that.” He whispered and Gabriel sat up, wiggling around so his head was in Crowley’s lap, his fingers tracing muscles through his pants. He felt Crowley’s fingers brushing through his hair and he closed his eyes.
“I know, I’m just not ready.” Gabriel mumbled. “Thank you though.”
“Of course Gabriel, you mark an important time in my life, and you mean a lot to me.”
“You’re such a sap.”
“Oh shut up.”
Gabriel smiled and opened his eyes before closing them again. He curled into Crowley and just relaxed, glad to have his friend here. He wished Sam could have joined them, or Cas, but he didn’t want to interrupt Cas on whatever he was doing – things in Heaven must be hell – and Sam was gone. Still, he had Raven and Crowley so things weren’t all that horrible, and maybe some of the others Goddesses and Gods would join them too.
“Can I join you guys?” Raven called and sat down before Gabriel or Crowley could answer, not that Gabriel really cared.
“What’s going on with Heaven and if you give me that I don’t know crap I will not talk to you for a very long time, I have Crowley now.” He grinned. “I know you’d find out so you could get more out of me.”
“I didn’t say anything, meus discipulos. Paranoid are we?” she chuckled softly and Gabriel levelled her with a look that only seemed to make her laugh harder before nodding. “Ask away. I do know much about the civil war taking place in heaven.”
“How is Castiel holding up?”
Raven stared at him for a moment, searching his face before leaning back. “Not as well as he could. Many angels side with Raphael at the moment and killing his brethren is taking its toll on him once more. He is discouraged with how many angels fear change.” She licked her lips. “He is getting worn down, his motivation is sucking at the sludge at the bottom of his well of will, and he is faltering.”
Gabriel winced but Raven gave him the ‘I’m-not-finished’ look.
“Also, Dean has been…hard on Cas for leaving all the time, though he seems to be getting better.” She smiled. “Balthazar is back as well, and lending his help and support to Castiel. Though he has also stolen heaven’s weapons and is bargaining them for human souls.”
Gabriel frowned, not quite sure what to make of this news. The broken shards of his Grace ached to search out his brother, to help him but they also recoiled at the thought. He realised, frantically, that part of him was scared of Castiel, even if he had done no harm to him. He shrunk back in on himself before quickly making his escape to his bedroom, locking and bring the door with the last of his strength before he collapsed onto the bed and slipped into blissful darkness.
They arrived in Cleburne, Texas sometime after midnight and since the store was obviously closed, they retired for the night. Sam found it hard to sleep, tossing and turning and even when he had fallen asleep, it was restless. Part of him had wondered what Gabriel would be doing at a candy store. Raven had said he wasn’t okay, but with the vision, or whatever that thing had been, Sam had felt happy; carefree even.
It didn’t make sense. Then again nothing in his life made sense anymore.
He woke up with an uneasy feeling in his stomach and ignored his breakfast as Dean wolfed down his food, Castiel beside him, while Balthazar sat beside Sam. The angel was watching him with searching eyes, politely ignoring the looks Dean and Cas were sharing, like he didn’t trust his own actions – Sam really didn’t either – and found Sam a great distraction.
“You are not eating, Dean has informed Castiel, insistently, and I by proxy, that humans need food.” The angel pointed out matter-of-factly - Sam winced before staring out the window, not sure what to say. “You love him then?”
Sam turned then to stare t Balthazar who gave him a knowing look, before nodding. “Yeah, I do.” He confirmed before they lapsed into silence, the only sound the scrapping of Dean’s knife and fork.
It didn’t take them long after that to make their way over to the candy shop.
Sam stepped in first, a small bell on top of the door made a soft jingling sound as he did, his eyes scanning the small shop. The walls were lined with jars and jars of candy, some home-made, some of the stuff Sam recognized from when they had been kids. He heard Dean make a sound that was somewhere between a moan and a whimper – most likely from all the candy – and he knew his brother would be no help in the search.
His eyes followed a trail of chocolates - some milk, some dark, some filled with caramel, and some filled with coconut – to the elder man behind the counter. He was whistling a happy tune as he leaned against the dark-cherry wood, his blue eyes crinkled at the edges and locked onto Sam. He wore a bulging grey sweater with a white apron that said “Mr. Dukes Candy” at the top left hand corner. And if Sam has to guess he’d figure the man was in baggy blue jeans.
He had blonde hair that had patches of grey that almost blended in and a pen was tucked behind his ear.
“Hello and welcome to Mr. Dukes Candy, how can I help you?” he asked, his voice lined with age, as he popped what looked to be a gummy bear into his mouth.
“U-Um,” he cleaned his throat, struggling with the lump lodged there. “Do…do you know someone named Gabriel?”
The man tilted his head to the side and looked up as if he could find the answer on the ceiling, but was most likely thinking before shaking his head. “I don’t think I do.” He answered, though he was staring at Sam with a searching look. “But do I know you?”
Sam shook his head. “No, I don’t think so.” Sam sighed and turned to leave, his eyes casting to the floor. If Gabriel had been here, the man would have known it; Gabriel wasn’t someone you forgot.
“Are you sure, there’s just something…something about you that seems familiar.” The old man sighed, as if this was normal to him. “Maybe you just have one of those faces.” He added on the end but Sam found it a little suspicious. Still, Gabriel wasn’t here and he was no closer to finding the archangel then he had before.
Part Two
