Imaginary [1/2]

[theinsaneeraser]

Title: Imaginary
Author: theinsaneeraser 
Rating: NC-17
Genra/Pairngs: Schmoop, Angst, food/sweet!Porn, Wing!kink. Gabriel/Sam with a healthy side of Dean/Cas and mild Bobby/Crowley pre-slash.
Spoilers: All of Season Five, the beinning of season six?
Warnings: Sadness...srsly, kleenex's are needed.
Word Count: 10,857
Summary: “He stuck himself in the angelic equivalent of a coma. He went in on himself, buried deep within his mind and it’s draining his grace.” Crowley stared directly at Sam. “And it’s killing him.”
Notes: Thanks to my Beta sarahlizzie! Dunno where this came from, but yeah, hope you all enjoy! This is sort-of based off an rp me and angeltrenchcoat did. Exchanges and BigBangs HERE

 

~*~*~*~

Sam was lying on the covers of hotel bed, his arms tucked behind his head, his eyes closed; peaceful. He wasn’t asleep; he was just relaxed, taking in the sounds of Dean musing with his gun, taking it apart to be cleaned, the ticking of the clock above the door, the TV on low (Dr. Sexy of course), background noise. It had been four months since hell and a week since he’d gone to get Dean, after Bobby had received a phone call from Dean, telling him he missed him, and how he missed hunting but didn’t want to leave Lisa.

Sam had decided maybe he should go see Dean then, and Dean had stared at him and slammed the door in his face.

Sam had persisted though, calling his cell and knocking again, begging for Dean to believe that it was him, telling him every little detail he could think of that would make Dean believe it was him. Finally Dean had opened the door to stare at him, and then Dean punched him, asking him why the fuck he had taken so long to come get him, and then pulled him into a hug for a brief moment of emotion. Of course it has only been brief and then Dean and him were on their way to Bobby’s, and then finally on their first hunt.

It had been a little awkward at first, being back on a hunt without the threat of the apocalypse and then there was the fact Cas was missing. Sam could tell Dean was hurt with Cas’ abandonment – Dean has abandonment issues like nobody else – and when ever Sam would bring up the name Dean would go stiff and he’d get such a pained look in his eyes Sam stopped at day two.

Still, they were brothers and the awkwardness ended when the adrenaline started and soon they were almost back to how they had been, though Sam knew it would be awhile before Dean trusted him completely. Still, it had been more then Sam was expecting and they were even joking with each other now, it was a nice change and Sam was happy, content with just laying here and taking in everything that wasn’t the pit.

Sam remembers burning, his soul bright hot with pain, like it was being placed inside a fire. Then there was cold, so cold Sam could feel himself dim, his soul had become sluggish, his thoughts waning, until there was the extreme heat once again. Then there was the pins and needles feeling, the knives and stabs and the feeling of being torn, ripped to pieces by unsteady hands, before he was whole again, and embraced in that overwhelming heat.

He was pretty sure it was Michael, Michael tearing Lucifer apart and then putting him back together, some sort of fucked-up-brotherly-lover thing that he didn’t get. He figured Michael was the cause of the extreme heat and it had burned, burned so bright and hurt so badly, maybe it hurt because Lucifer hurt. Maybe Lucifer hurt because he wanted Michael, didn’t want the war.

Sam sometimes worried that while Lucifer had taken over him, he’d become part of the fallen angel, that sometimes his thoughts weren’t his own. Those needed when he did things he would and enjoyed them. Like ordering a house salad, bought a health shake or felt the moral dilemma of killing something that may or may-not have been evil.

“You sleeping, Sammy?” Dean asked quietly.

“No.” Sam answered honestly. “Just resting.”

“Okay.”

Some knew that Dean was scared, scared that this was a dream, that he’d wake up and Sam would be dead and he’d be back at Lisa’s, alone and bored out of his mind. Knew he was scared that Sam was just going to disappear, even if this wasn’t a dream, that someone was going to come and take Sam away from him again. Sam reassured him that he was here to stay, and that it wasn’t a dream, because if it was then they were both having the same dream which meant he’d have to be alive and on earth again anyways.

Dean had scolded him and told him to stop being such a girl.

Sam had called him a ‘jerk’ and Dean had called him a ‘bitch’.

They had both smiled.

“So, you want to look for the next hunt or are you just going to lay there like the lazy ass you are?” Dean chuckled and Sam cracked open an eye.

“Dean, if anyone’s lazy it’s you man. Seriously.”

“Hey, I’m the one sitting here cleaning guns why you lay there and day dream about what ever it is you day dream about.”

“I’m not day dreaming, I’m relaxing,” Sam countered.

“Still being lazy,” Dean threw back at him.

“Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

Sam smiled and closed his eye again, letting out a content sigh.

He was actually starting to drift off when there was the flutter of wings. He heard Dean drop something and Sam was sitting up, awake and alert, his head turned towards the door where a man now stood. He was around the same height as Dean, give or take a few inches, with a head of mussed black hair. His pricing blue eyes were trained on Dean, his hands fisting in the pockets of his tan trench coat that was placed over his black suit with a white button-down and blue tie that almost matched the color of his eyes.

Dean was staring at him with a shocked expression, the pain in his eyes causing the angel (archangel now?) to falter, and then his walls slammed back up, cutting everything off. Cas visibly winced before his own walls came back up, leaving his face stony and unreadable, like the angel he had been when they first met. It was disconcerting and made Sam fidget, since when they had first met Sam had been chugging demon blood and working to help raise Lucifer - albeit unknowingly.

“Dean, Sam.” He spoke in a professional voice that made Sam sigh and shake his head.

“Cas,” Dean responded in the same tone.

“You seem…well.”

“Yeah.”

Sam rubbed at his eyes, sighing as he got up.

“What’s up Cas, good to see ya,” Sam offered with a bright smile.

Cas stared at him with a slightly tilted head and he was pretty sure he saw relief flood Cas’ eyes, but he didn’t say anything about it. He nodded and removed his hands from his pockets and leaned back against the wall in a stance Sam was pretty sure he’d learned from Dean.

“It is good to see you as well Samuel.” Cas’ eyes drifted to Dean for a second, who was looking anywhere but Cas before continuing. “There is, a problem, one in which I need your help with.”

“What’s the problem Cas?” Sam asked, suddenly a little worried, if it was something Cas needed help with, then it must have been something big.

“I…”Cas fidgeted a bit, his face falling. “It is hard to explain, it is something you must see for yourself. I have gotten permission from Robert to house at his place, we will go there.”

Sam watched Dean frowned and get to his feet as he hurried to put the guns back together. Sam knew there were a million things he wanted to ask, but he didn’t. Sam sighed heavily and rubbed the bridge of his nose, not knowing what to do about them, but figuring that it was probably less important then what ever was going on at Bobby’s.

Sam grabbed his laptop and shoved it into his duffle with the rest of his clothes and things before turning to see Cas had moved closer towards him, his eyes darting to Dean who was silently putting his own stuff away. Sam rolled his eyes and sat down on the bed, looking between them both, wondering if there was anything he could say to make them stop this, what ever this was.

Once Dean was ready he grabbed for his keys and Cas shook his head. “She is already at Robert’s,” Cas assured and Sam couldn’t help but smile at the fact Cas had said ‘she’ instead of ‘the car’ or the Impala’.

Sam was pretty sure Dean’s head was ducked to hide a smile of his own.

Cas walked over to them place, placing hands on both their shoulders and the world changed, sending it sideways, or maybe Sam was leaning sideways, his legs were a little wobbly and he felt the need to bring up his lunch.

Sam opened his eyes and looked around to see they were in the middle of Bobby’s living room with a very disgruntled looking Bobby. He was standing next to his desk, his face red with anger as he yelled something – Sam’s ears apparently hadn’t caught up with him yet – at a man who was leaning against the mantle to the fireplace, his own face a mask of controlled anger that showed in his dark eyes.

The man had short black hair and wore a pristine black button-down and dress pants. He wore highly polished black dress shoes and his coat was folded neatly over the back of a chair and he crossed his arms, shouting something back, and Sam’s hearing was improving because he heard the sound but the words hadn’t caught up with him yet and the urge to throw up was leaving him as well.

“-my house!” Bobby yelled back.

Dean was reached for the colt but Cas grabbed his wrist gently, stopping him and Dean turned to stare at him with a confused look.

“He is here to help,” Cas answered before letting Dean’s wrist go.

“The sooner this gets over with the sooner I don’t have to listen to him,” he pointed to Bobby, “bitch about my presence here.” Crowley mumbled something that suspiciously sounded like: “You give a man back his legs, and then his soul and let him keep the legs and this is how you get repaid” under his breath and stalked towards the stairs.

Sam turned to look at Bobby and Cas, while Dean watched the stairs, like he was waiting for something bad to happen.

“Um, what’s going on?”

“Crowley is here about the same problem you are, he was the one who brought it to my attention,” Cas explained then looked at Bobby. “I am sorry for the inconvenience. We will try and get this cleared up as soon as possible.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Bobby waved him off and slumped back down in his seat.

“Cas, what the hell is going on?” Dean demanded, as he stared at the angel with anger in his eyes.

Cas opened his mouth then closed it, his lips going into a thin line. “Follow me.”

Sam watched Cas head upstairs and turned to Dean who shrugged and followed. Bobby didn’t move to get up and Sam sighed, following behind Dean up the narrow stairs to the hallway. They went to the last door on the left – the guest room - and stepped in. Crowley was sitting on the edge of the bed, throwing a blanket over top of a few others that were over the shivering form that lay there.

He was short, Sam could tell that already, with a head of copper-red hair and his honey-brown eyes were closed, like he was asleep. Sam could see the starting of the green over-coat that would be over the crimson button-down and baggy blue jeans with tennis sneakers. Sam’s jaw went slack as he stared at the (sleeping? Dead?) form of the former-Archangel-now-Trickster; Gabriel.

“I…what’s he…is he…huh?” Sam turned to look at Cas, his stomach sinking as a horrible hollow-cold feeling in his chest clenched his lungs and sucked out his air.

“He was brought back, after Satan was popped back in the box,” Crowley explained, not turning his attention away from Gabriel. “He went back to his normal ways, even let me stay with him. Gabriel and I go back, we were close friends.” Crowley turned to look at them, his face a careful mask. “He was doing a Trick when one of his old flames, Mara, a Succubus came after him, begging for him to take her back, threatening people, threatening you.” He pointed to Sam.

“Wait…what…why was she threatening me?” Sam could feel panic add up to the jumble of not-so-nice feelings in his chest.

“Gabriel tried to reason with her, but she would not be reasoned with…Mara always was strange.” Crowley turned back to look at Gabriel, ignoring Sam’s question. “He ended up killing her, because she was going to go after you.” Crowley sighed and ran his fingers through Gabriel’s hair, in a way that showed love but not in the way you would a love, more like a sibling or someone you care about deeply.

“What happened?” Dean asked which surprised Sam, but he was still wearing an unreadable expression.

“He was torn up about having to kill her, he did care about her, just not how she wanted and he wouldn’t let her hurt Samuel.” Crowley turned back towards them. “He stuck himself in the angelic equivalent of a coma. He went in on himself, buried deep within his mind and it’s draining his grace.” Crowley stared directly at Sam. “And it’s killing him.”

“Wh…what?”

“It’s draining his grace, supporting his body like this and the longer he stays like this the less the chances are that he will ever wake up.”

Sam’s heart fell in the same place as his stomach and even though he could hear Dean talking with Crowley, it was like he was listening to it down along tunnel, not really paying attention. The words It’s killing him and the less the chances are that he will wake up echoing through his head.

“Wait, Sam has to what?”

That brought Sam back to reality.

“Sam is the only one who can bring him back. Gabriel is a moron who fell in love with him knowing it would never happen, and Sam is the only one he’d listen to, just like he did during the time loop,” Crowley stated, his voice dripping with barely controlled anger.

“What do you mean he listened to Sam?” Dean snapped.

“When Gabriel killed you for the last time, it lasted six months, I hunted him down and when I finally found him I begged him to bring you back,” Sam whispered, not even sure if Dean would hear him. “He wasn’t planning to, I could see, but I begged, I pleaded he had to, that’s all I was thinking and he did, he gave in and brought you back.” Dean was silent and Sam looked at Crowley. “What do I have to do?”

Crowley stared at him, as if looking to see if Sam was serious. He was, he was completely serious and if Crowley didn’t believe him he could shove it. Crowley seemed to nod and Sam walked over to him, taking a seat on the bed and staring at Gabriel. He needed to bring him back, he didn’t know why but if Gabriel loved him, was willing to kill someone he cared about to protect him (twice really) then Sam could do this for him.

“I’m going to send you into his head.”

“You’re going to do what with Sam?” Dean took a step forward but once again Cas grabbed Dean’s wrist, still gently. Sam stared at Dean, begging him to let him do this. “Fine.”

Sam sent him a small smile before turning back to Crowley and nodded. “Okay.”

Crowley reached a hand out and placed it over Sam’s eyes, easing him slowly back on to bed. Sam closed his eyes and let out a soft breath. He felt the connection snap into place and he figured Crowley’s hands must have been over Gabriel’s eyes as well. He was a little scared, he didn’t know what exactly would happen if he didn’t get out of Gabriel’s mind before he died, but he figured Cas would make sure he was okay, besides he didn’t plan on coming back with Gabriel.

“Arphe manin casarman nonci uran a g-rsam.”

Sam blinked and opened his eyes, wanting to ask Crowley what he has just said, because it made little sense to him, but when he opened his eyes he was blinded by light. Sam quickly covered his eyes with his arm before slowly peeking over the crook of his elbow.

He was in the middle of a field of golden long-grass, it would have reached his waist, and probably the neck or heads of some of the people he knew. Sam pushed himself onto his elbows then to his feet as he looked over the span of the field, the golden grasses tips turned white with the slight breeze broken only by something slightly purple that looked like lilacs. Sam blinked and looked around, seeing nothing else he moved towards the lilacs.

Only they weren’t lilacs, they were barely purple enough to be and they were in the shape of feathers, feathers that were connected to wings. Sam opened his mouth, shocked when he saw who the wings were attached too. Gabriel blinked up at him; wearing the same clothes Sam had seen him in last. The archangel’s lips curved into a smile, an actual smile not a smirk.

When he spoke his voice was soft, nothing like the taunting tone Sam was used to. “Hello, Sammy.”

~*~*~*~

Dean had left the room as soon as soon as Crowley assured them he was in.

He was angry, no he was pissed. He’d let Sam do it only because of those damn eyes, he’d stared at Dean with such a desperate look he couldn’t have told him no. Cas had followed him, calling his name, each time getting more and more frustrated as he did but Dean ignored him, storming past Bobby who stood up but never followed, and outside into the junk yard where he slammed his fist into one of the nearest cars, hissing at the pain that came with it.

Cas grabbed his wrist and pulled it towards him, turning Dean around in the process. He was staring down at him with concerned eyes before he brushed his fingertips over the broken knuckles, healing them, but not releasing his wrist.

“Dean…” Cas started and paused.

“What!” Dean snapped. “What is it Cas, tell me? Because right now my brother is doing God only knows what to try and help your brother.” Dean yanked his wrist back and it fell from loose fingers as Cas stared at him, concern fading to hurt. “You should be the one going into his mind and saving him, not Sam. Sam has done enough I have done enough for you.”

“Dean.”

“No Cas, don’t. Don’t you fucking dare bring up everything that happened last year, because all that doesn’t matter!” Dean poked him roughly in the chest, which only succeeded on bending his finger in slight pain. “It stopped mattering the day you left me.” Dean stared up at Cas with as much anger and betrayal he could shove into it. “You fucking left me.”

“I…Dean…”

“No. We’re done Castiel, got that? Done.”

Dean watched as Cas’ eyes flared with shock at the use of his full name, before he closed off completely. Dean clenched his fists, trying not to care about the hurt that had been mixed in with the shock. Dean clenched his jaw and watched Cas’ arms go limp at his sides, he looked so defeated, even with his emotions closed off and Dean almost faltered.

Almost.

“Fine.” And then Cas was gone, leaving Dean alone in the junkyard with a pain in his chest he couldn’t place.

Dean pushed it down, pushed everything down and when someone shoved his shoulder he nearly whirled around and stabbed them. When he saw it was Crowley he was starting to wonder why he stopped but the demon was staring at him with a look that just screamed you’re a moron. Dean glared at him and leaned back against the car.

“What do you want?”

Crowley just starred at him, hands in his pocket, like he was searching for something. It made Dean a little uncomfortable and he squirmed a bit. Dean shifted his weight, trying to make it look natural though he was pretty sure he’d failed, but really, Cas had left him. He’d gone and run back to heaven like the good angel he was and left Dean there alone. He’d never called never visited nothing, for four months he’d heard nothing from Cas, and then he waltz back in expecting everything to be fine.

Well it wasn’t.

It was as far from fine as it could get. Dean would have been happier if Cas would have just stayed gone, then he wouldn’t have had to feel the anger, the sadness, the betrayal and the something else he refused to name that he was feeling right now. He and Sam would have gone on hunting and eventually he would have forgotten about the reasons why he missed Cas and it would have been fine.

Instead he came back and tromped all over that fantasy with his muddy angel boots and opened up old wounds and scars, opened them for Dean to examine when he just wanted them to fade.

“You’re a moron,” Crowley spoke and turned around, leaving Dean alone once again in the junkyard. Dean stared at his retreating form before grabbing his keys and storming off towards his Impala; he needed to get good and wasted.

 

Dean stumbled back into Bobby’s house sometime late and had managed not to get arrested or in an accident. He took that as a plus and sat himself down on the couch in the living room, rubbing his eyes with his palms. They burned a little and he figured he was tired, or maybe he was getting a fever, not that he really cared, all he cared about was the pain in his chest was gone and he was blissfully numb.

Dean sighed and leaned back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling through an alcoholic haze before he heard the creaking of stairs. He turned towards them to see Bobby descending them, making his way over to the couch and Dean. He crossed his arms and stared down at Dean with a questioning gaze before sighing and letting his arms relax.

“Crowley told me what happened.”

“Yeah, and when did you two become buddy-buddy?” Dean slurred.

Bobby rolled his eyes and sat down on a chair, leaning forward, his elbows on his thighs as he studied Dean. People were doing that a lot lately, studying him, like he was something interesting, some sort of bug under a glass and Dean hated it, hated feeling so small and insignificant, just a subject to observe and document.

“We aren’t buddy-buddy ya’ idjit, I heard the argument and asked Crowley what had happened, he batted around the bush, I told him if he wanted to stay in my house he’d damn well tell me what happened and he told me.”

Dean snorted, because yeah that sounded more like Bobby. Dean closed his eyes, trying to push the burning feeling away. Bobby sighed heavily and Dean cracked open an eye to see him leaning back in his chair, not enough to lift the legs of the chair, but enough to look like it.

“Care to explain?”

“Not really.”

“Dean.”

“What is there to explain Bobby? He left, didn’t even say good-bye, never came to visit, just left me there, left Sam in hell; just left.” When I needed him the most. “He got his mojo back and went back to Heaven like the good little solider he is.” Like the past two years didn’t matter. “Then he just comes back and he expects everything to be normal, for it to be okay.” Like he could just come back and expect me to care. “I just, I can’t Bobby, I can’t do that, because it’s not okay, it’s fucking far from okay.”

Bobby sighed and shook his head.

“He had duties Dean, things to do.”

“He could have called,” Dean countered angrily. “He could have dropped by said hi. Let me know he was alive.” Let me know he cared. “Something, anything. He didn’t, he just left.” Left me.

Bobby stared at him and got up, placing a hand on his shoulder with a look of amusement and sadness.

“When we don’t understand something about ourselves, and that thing we don’t understand concerns others, we tent to push away those who matter the most, and most importantly the one it concerns.”

Dean opened his mouth to ask Bobby what the hell that meant, and what he was on, but he just shook his head and walked away, back up the stairs to his bedroom, leaving Dean alone for the third time that day.

Dean sighed and rubbed at his face once again, grumbling heavily under his breath before lying back onto his back and stared up at the ceiling, Bobby’s words echoing through his mind and prolonging sleep. He hated when people did that, said something cryptic he was either too drunk or not geeky enough to get and then just left. It wasn’t cool or omniscient or rewarding, it was just a douchy move, plain and simple.

Dean closed his eyes and willed his brain to shut up so he could sleep as he tried – and failed – not to think about the pain in Cas’ eyes as he left (again) to some place Dean had no clue. Not that he cared, he was glad Cas had left, made things easier. Sam would bring back Gabriel, then Gabriel would leave with Cas and Crowley and Dean could get on with his life.

Dean rolled over onto his side and grabbed the blanket that was on the back of the couch, pulling it down over himself and getting comfortable before finally drifting off.

He dreamt of sad blue eyes and long cold nights. 

~*~*~*~ 

Gabriel was warm, warm and happy and everything was good, everything was right. The sky was the perfect shade of blue, with just enough clouds to make it interesting. The field of long grass was comfortable and he loved the feel of it scratching against his feathers, like someone was brushing them, like Lucifer used to do, like Michael would if they would get hurt or ruffled. It was peaceful; Gabriel was finally peaceful and content with the way things were going.

And then everything went and got better.

Sam had showed up, Sam was standing there with his beautiful brownish-green eyes and fluffy head of long hair that Gabriel was itching to cut, towering over Gabriel and blocking out the sun. Gabriel smiled and shifted to his elbows as Sam’s eyes scanned over his wings, making them twitch and bit and Gabriel’s eyes slid over the baggy blue jeans and his blue and white stripped button down. He chuckled and smiled a bright welcoming smile.

“Hello, Sammy.”

His mind had created him perfectly, even the height, down to every last inch of skin. He scrambled into his feet gracefully and stretched his wings out wide, letting them catch in the wind and grass, letting out a soft keen and stepping towards Sam happily, throwing on one of his Trickster grins as he did so, stopping just in front of him.

He noticed Sam’s breaths were coming in a quick rhythm as he continued to take in his wings and Gabriel deliberately brushing one along Sam’s arm, and that when he blinked, letting out a surprised gasp as he took a step back. That wasn’t a fake Sam like his mind normally conjured up, this was really Sam, Sammy was inside his head and standing there and seeing him, seeing his wings. But how had Sam gotten here?

“Gabriel,” Sam breathed, finally looking the archangel in the face and Gabriel shivered.

“How…Sam, what are you doing here?” Gabriel tilted his head.

“Gabriel, you are in a coma…Crowley brought you to Cas who brought you to Bobby’s and then came and got us. Gabriel you’re dying.”

Gabriel laughed a full belly laugh and doubled over, hands on his knees, his wings quivering with the movement as he sucked in breaths, trying to calm himself but unable too so he just laughed. He laughed and laughed and finally he stopped with a concerned Sam looking down at him, his fingers twitching with the movement of his wings and Gabriel itched to feel those fingers in his feathers, but that couldn’t happen.

“Already died once kiddo.” Sam flinched. “I know what’s happening, I know I’m dying.”

“But, how…why…Gabriel.”

Gabriel smiled and waved a hand around. “I’m happy Sam, actually happy for the first time in over a millennium, do you know how good that feels?” Gabriel shoved his hands in his pockets. “It’s peaceful here, and sure my body and Grace will fade in a week, but it’ll feel like forever here. I’ll live a full and happy life, peaceful and happy and with anyone I want. I can make Lucifer or Michael appear, just how they were before Lucifer fell, happy. I can have a family again.”

Sam frowned and stared at him.

“Gabriel…I.” Sam sighed. “I know, I understand about wanting a family, about wanting to be happy and everything being anything but great, but that’s life. Life is…it’s hard. It’s hard and painful and sometimes you just want it to end, for some people it’s worse, for a lot of people it’s worse. But, Gabriel, you can’t give up, you have to find something or someone worth living for.”

Gabriel stared at him and shook his head.

“Can’t do it kiddo, just can’t do it no more.”

“Then I’m not going to leave, I’m going to stay here and die with you.” Sam crossed his arms, determination of his face.

“Ah, Sammy, it doesn’t work that way. Once I slip away you’ll go back to your own mind. The connection snaps when there isn’t enough grace to support it, which is usually an hour before the end.”

Sam’s arms slipped and he got a defeated look on his face, like a kicked puppy and yeah, okay, Gabriel hated that look.

“Look Sammy, I…” Gabriel rubbed the back of his neck. “Stay with me, please. Stay with me till the end.”

He watched Sam fight an inner battle, watching him hum and haw and think it over. Gabriel pulled his wings in, letting the ends wrap around his legs as he stared up at Sam, a smile on his face, hating to see Sam so upset like this.

“Why?”

“Why what kiddo?”

“Why do you want me to stay?”

Gabriel stared at Sam, fighting a bit as he thought it over himself, unsure of what he really wanted. Okay, that was wrong, he knew exactly what he wanted and what he wanted was Sam, wanted Sam so bad it hurt. He wanted Sam to love him, though he knew it wouldn’t happen. No matter how much Gabriel had fought it, angels were meant to love, made to love and father help him, he was in love with the human who had made him feel where no one else could.

It was true, Sam made him feel guilt for the first time in forever, made him laugh because the kid was too funny for his own good, made him love with every being he had when he thought he’d never be able to love again made him hurt and beg and pled and want and a million other things. He’d do anything for the kid, had done everything for him and father he was beautiful, so full of life and love and he’d been used and abused and Gabriel hated, hated seeing such a bright, wonderful innocent being twisted and tortured into what he had become.

Gabriel wanted to make it all better, wanted to fix Sam and see him smile, watch his soul shine as bright if not brighter then Lucifer’s grace, bask in it’s warmth and feel welcomed them, feel like he deserved it.

He didn’t.

“The first time I met you kiddo, you were this innocent tall guy who was ten kinds of adorable.” He chuckled and his wings shivered at the memory. “You had such a bright soul Sammy, it was beautiful, I wanted to be around you, it’s why I stuck by you so much, I was shocked by it’s warmth and it reminded me of home.” Gabriel shrugged. “Then the next time I saw you there was a hole, a tiny hole in your soul where it has been torn from dying, from learning what Dean was giving up for you. It broke me, I didn’t want to see you hurt like that, ever again, so I tried to make you see, show you what was going to happen.”

Gabriel sighed. “Then after the six months when I saw you again, I saw it, it was bigger, your soul was dimmer, not as bright and going cold and it tore me apart, to know that I did that I helped hurt you, it was too much, I couldn’t not give you back Dean, try and fix it.” Gabriel stared at the floor. “Then when I saw you in TV Land, I nearly died. You had some many holes, so much damage and you were so cold Sammy, the heat and light was gone, you were gone and I wept, not on the outside but my grace wept and ached for you.”

“Gabriel…”

“Then when I knew that Lucifer was coming for you I knew I had to get you out, couldn’t let him take what was let of you, couldn’t let hum hurt you, didn’t care about anyone else, just you Sammy, needed to get you out. Then you weren’t, you were going to stay there, Kali was too and you were all going to die. I couldn’t…couldn’t let Lucifer wreck what little bit of happiness I found in the world, the small laughs and genuine smiles he’d tear to shreds, I had to stand up and I knew then that I was going to die, and I was fine with that, because you were okay. Maybe, maybe someone could help you fix your soul because Sam.”

Gabriel looked up at him once again with a soft smile. “I fell in love with you Sammy, so deeply in love with you.”

Sam had unshed tears in his eyes and Gabriel laughed softly, grabbing the ginormous hunter by his collar and yanking him down for a kiss, laughing into it as the stumbled backwards, Gabriel landing on his butt as Sam kissed back, his arms wrapping protectively around his waist as he landed in the archangels lap. Gabriel kissed him back, the kiss portraying his needs, his love, his want, his affection everything Gabriel had never spoken before, never given into before he was now drowning in, pulling Sam closer.

Sam’s teeth nipped and tugged at his bottom lip as he pulled Gabriel closer and he let him, smiling as he ran his hands through the hunters hair, as Sam licked his way into his mouth, Gabriel opened up willingly, taking in the taste of Sam, the feel of his tongue battling with his own as he fell back wards, his wings flying out as he tugged Sam with him, before cocooning them both with his wings for protection. If tenderness and caring was a taste, that’s what Sam would taste like.

Gabriel was addicted.

Sam broke the kiss for air, making a surprised sound as if he hadn’t expected that sort of reaction or thing to happen, but he defiantly didn’t look displeased. Gabriel grinned and pulled Sam closer, returning to the kiss which Sam returned. The kiss was slower this time, gentler, testing and, father forbid, loving. Gabriel shivered and pushed some of his grace around Sam, around his wings, creating a little cocoon of warmth and love and he never wanted to leave, never wanted this to end; he wanted this to last forever and if he wanted to it could.

“Gabriel.” Sam panted, leaning his forehead against his neck. “I don’t know yet if I…if I love you, but I have feelings, have had them for a while…”

Gabriel smiled and kissed the top of Sam’s head.

“Stay with me.”

“Okay.”

Gabriel smiled and closed his eyes, making a happy content noise in the back of his throat as he thought of what forever would feel like with Sam, because that’s what this was going to feel like; forever. He liked it, liked the though of spending forever with Sam, it defiantly was appealing and had it’s perks and Gabriel couldn’t help but shiver as all the possibilities of what they could do here ran through his mind.

“Hmmm, I should take you to Candy Mountain.”

“Dude, you watch Charlie the Unicorn?”

Gabriel snorted. “I created Charlie the Unicorn kiddo.”

“Seriously?”

Gabriel nodded and grinned.

“So you have an actual candy mountain here?”

“Yup, up to and including a magical leopluradon, a magical bridge of hope and wonder and a candy mountain cave!”

“Does it have creepy horses who steal your kidneys?”

“No, that’s at the creepy-horses-who-steal-you’re-kidneys-cave.” Gabriel chuckled and Sam laughed.

“So you really have a candy mountain?”

Gabriel nodded. “It has peppermint trees, icing for snow, caramel river, chocolate waterfall, lollypop flowers, gumdrop rocks and the rainbow is actually made of skittles.” He grinned and slowly stretched out his wings.

“Take me there.” Sam smiled and closed his eyes. “Please.”

“Sure thing kiddo, but are you tired, we can go back to the cabin and get some rest if you are.”

“Mmm.” Sam yawned and curled up against Gabriel’s chest. “Stay here, sleepy.”

Gabriel chuckled and snapped his fingers and they were in a cabin, it was small with only three rooms, and only one of the rooms had a wall and door to separate it, the kitchen and living room were crowded together. The bedroom was small with a king sized water bed, a window over looking the lake. The sun was starting to set, not that it needed to because normally Gabriel didn’t sleep, but Sam did and the world was changing to support him as well, and he figured that there would be a shelf of book in the other room when Sam woke up.

There was also now a dresser tucked in the corner, most likely full of clothes, and a second door that most likely leading to a bathroom. Gabriel smiled and curled up under the blankets, laying his wings over both of them and closing his ow eyes, listening to the sound of Sam sleep.

“Night Kiddo.” Gabriel kissed his chest and Sam murmured softly. And Gabriel chuckled, shaking his head and closed his eyes. “Love you Sammy.”

 

Dean had woken up with a splitting migraine to the sound of Crowley banging around in the kitchen. He had yelled at him, telling him he couldn’t do that to people with a migraine, but melted when he saw the fresh pie coffee and okay, maybe he could forgive the demon this time; Ruby never made him pie or coffee. Then again, Ruby was a manipulating bitch. If an archangel was friending a demon, okay, it was Gabriel, Gabriel who was an archangel who turned pagan; he really wasn’t a good example.

Damn it, Dean liked pie, pie was his weakness and yes, he ate the damn pie and yes, it was fucking good.

“I still don’t like you,” Dean said taking another bite and moaning because this, this was what heaven should taste like. “You’re a demon, I’m a hunter, end of story.”

Crowley sat at the table, hands clasped, grin on his face as he nodded. “I see.”

Dean took another bite and groaned, taking a second one before he could swallow the first. “Shut up.” He chased it down with coffee that he sure was some British import, it had the smallest hint of vanilla and cinnamon and fuck it was good. “Your pie may be good but you’re still a demon, you still took Bobby’s soul and I still hate you…just not as much as before.”

The pie was good okay, not his fault.

“So, what do you plan to do about that angel of yours?” Crowley asked and Dean paused in his shovelling to frown because okay, that broke the good mood. “What I thought.” Crowley rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair. “You do know that you are being ridiculous.”

“Yeah, says who?” Dean mumbled defensively, not wanting to talk about this with Crowley of all people.

“Even after everything that you and Sam went through, you are still here with him are you not?”

“Yeah, but that’s, different he’s my br-“

“Yes, and they are Castiel’s brothers and sisters, who he shot the finger to, to help you, to protect you.” Crowley crossed his arms. “They are his family, family he’s dealing with to try and show them the bright side of humans, so that what happened four months ago never happens again. So that you and Sam don’t have to worry about being torn apart again.”

“I-“

“He has done a lot for you.” Crowley turned to look out the window. “He cares about you; don’t you think that maybe leaving you hurt him just as much? Did you ever think that maybe he didn’t want to leave you, but did it because he had to?” Crowley turned back towards him with serious eyes. “And you need to figure out what’s more important, you’re abandonment issues or Castiel.”

And then he was gone, leaving Dean there, shocked. He looked down at his coffee and pie, frowning as he pushed it away and stood up. He grabbed his keys and his jacket before walking up the stairs. He pushed open the door to where Gabriel and Sam were laying on the bed, Sam’s head on Gabriel’s chest, an arm around his waist, Gabriel’s arm around his shoulders and they looked peaceful, and Sam was smiling. Crowley was sitting on a chair in the corner and Dean closed the door before heading back out to Impala.

He got into his baby, turning her on and Thank You by Led Zeppelin blasted from the speakers. Dean sighed and put her into reverse as he pulled out of the driveway, kicking up rocks with her tyres before shifting her back into drive and heading out onto the road. He didn’t know where he was going or what he was going to do, just that he had to get out of the house, had to go somewhere to think.

What the hell was he going to do?


Continued Here

 

Comments

[castielssamiel.livejournal.com]

Aw.. *sniffle* no die, gabey! *falls over* it's still kinda cute I guess. Angsty but kinda cute.

[theinsaneeraser.livejournal.com]

there is more.